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One of the hardest choices of my life. 

I thought what should I order at the bar was a difficult choice, what when your young and out drinking it’s a hard decision to make, sambucca or the cheap nasty shot! Then it turns into should we start trying for a family. When that answer was yes, it got harder with do we attempt Ivf or go straight to Icsi, at least that one kinda got taken over by the doctors final say. Baby comes along and its do I breast feed or bottle feed. There’s many more choices I’ve made or we as a family has made. The next big what should we do, is when at 1, Z wasn’t saying anything, lack of eye contact, no pointing and liked two of the same things. Do we wait this out or get help? Early intervention is the best way they say. So help it was. 

After meeting with the new health visitor, it was obvious Z needed the extra help in social and language development. So hearing tests, antibiotics for three months, for constant ear infections,  working with the health visitor, the community speech therapist, the speech therapy team at hospital , one to one at crèche and a portage worker, is now the biggest choice we’ve had to make. What school do we send Z too? 

Yes, I understand he’s not three until October, what he can do then is anybody’s guess. But we have to prepare now. Do we start him off in mainstream school with the help of a one to one. Do we apply for a specialist unit that works alongside mainstream school, or straight to a special educational needs school? 

Will his language come? He uses pecs well at crèche, but could this be a viable way through mainstream school? Would seeing all his little buddies talk and ask for what they want help him do the same thing? Or would it be better for him to see other children communicate with the use of cards? 

Do I give him the chance to give mainstream school ago at three, see how he gets on and go from there? Do I leave it till the term after and continue working with the portage worker for another three months, then every thing stops. Maybe he could go to school after Easter. Or we keep him home until he’s just turning four. Then it all starts again. Do I start him at three, if it don’t work take him out and hope there’s a place available at a unit? 

I understand it’s what’s in Z’s best interests, his needs come first and always will. But as a parent it’s hard. I’m sure I’ll be faced with many more hard decisions but to date this is my hardest. 

Maybe I’ll just have a go at homeschooling, how hard can that be? 

I know deep down that I can’t decide anything until he’s been assessed in May, and maybe I won’t get any answers then, it’s all a waiting game. 

The only thing I know for certain is when the time comes I think the choice I make will be the best choice for Z at that time. 


first time mother, first time blogger

6 thoughts on “One of the hardest choices of my life. 

  1. What a heartfelt post. Parenting does seem to be all about what seem to be really important decisions – my little girl is 6 and it hasn’t stopped yet. I’m sure you will make the right decision when the time comes. x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Now he’s done 6 weeks or so in special school I know I made the correct choice. I’m guessing there’ll be days I’ll still have to make choices, but, I’m hoping I’ll be strong enough to do it, and make the correct one!


  2. I was coping with everything well until it came to choosing a school. It was hands down the hardest decision to date. Being told on one hand that R was ideal for a unit and then being told there are no spaces left in any units so it would have to be a special school 😦 In fact I wasn’t given a choice, just told. I was backed into a corner, or so I thought! As it turns out R has come on so well in special school and who knows? It may have been the best option for him, I’ll never know I guess. As long as he’s happy though that’s all that counts & I know I tried my best for him at the time 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Looking back then, and what I know now, I can say I did make the right choice. I know deep down I did. When I see the three local schools Z could have attended with 30 plus children in the class, he would have been lost, he would have been left, in a small class of 8 hopefully he will come on in leaps and bounds!


    1. Re reading that post, I can remember panicking. What to do for the best. Portage couldn’t tell me what to do, no one could. It was up to me and hubby, but I’m glad I choose special school. He loves it, he can’t wait to get in and really he’s what matters. No one else. I can’t wait to see what he’s going to be like after a year there!


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