Last night I had very upsetting news, I’ve mentioned my best mate on here before, when I had the txt you up, I knew something was wrong, I was expecting an argument with her partner, not my dad has died. I’ll admit, it knocked me for six. I’ve known her dad since I was 11, I’m going on 32, that’s a long time. Now my best mates dad was a respected man, a well known man, a lovable man.
This is a bit deep for a Saturday morning, and I’ll be the first to admit it! So why did the death of a man effect me, is it coz as I say I respected the guy? Or is it it, that scary way of saying we are all growing up and this puts everything into perspective?
My nan is currently in hospital, I’ve never known my nan to be in hospital. She’s never been sick, she has dementia, what a horrible cruel disease. She don’t know anybody, she doesn’t remember her children. How sad is that? How sick and twisted is it to come into this world just seeing things to leave the world in the same way? She still has her speech, often you get no sense out of her, but for how long will this continue? How can the brain die yet the heart keeps pumping? The organs still work? When I had my first ever scan at 4 weeks 5 days, Z’s heart was already pumping, the first organ to work, the one that eventually when it stops will kill you.
Yes, I know you are brought into this world to do what you have to do and you’ll leave the world when this has been done, we all have times, when the times up were gone. But the difference to my nan and my best mates dad is age, he was 64 my nan is 82. My nan could go on for many years, and that’s just worrying and cruel.
When people hear that Z has suspected autism and I get oh I’m sorry for that. No, that’s not something to be sorry about, loosing someone close now that’s something to be sorry about.
R.I.P J. xx