I have a bit of time before I head to work. I was watching Orange is the new black, but my battery went! So I’ll keep that for tomorrow.
This week, this week I’ve had a pretty bad week. I’ll admit there were some days I really really struggled. I know I’m lucky, I have a great family and fantastic friends, some friends have been there years some a year and some a month or two. Where I would be without certain ones this week, maybe hiding out in a cave. It’s lucky I’ve not got a passport, then again I could be laying on a beach with a drink in my hand…..
Friday, yes, it’s Friday, I’ve counted down this day since 9.30 am on Monday. Now it’s here and nearly over I thought I’d spend the time looking back over my week.
I’ve been told by a few different people this last few days how strong I am, as a person as a mother. At the time I didn’t feel very strong on any of them. I was told just last night that it’s kinda like riding a wave, I’m glad I didn’t let that wave take me under and threaten to drown me. I have to look back and think, yes I’m still lucky. I’m still lucky to have Z and for all the tears I’ve shred this week, all the times I’ve said yes you can have him or I’m giving him away, I don’t mean it, where would I be without him? I’d be a little less bruised but I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be who I am today without him, I think maybe he has made me a stronger person. I hope he’ll continue to help me. I have a lot to learn, I understand things are not going to happen over night, and these things will take time.
That little smile when I wake him up, those eyes when he comes running after creche looks right at you as if to say I am here mam. I know what he’s doing isn’t oh let’s do this and make mam cry, I’m hoping it’s just seeing how far he can push. I’ve been told there will be worse days ahead, worse weeks, at the time I couldn’t imagine that. Maybe I still can’t imagine it. Hopefully when that time comes I’ll have the same people to support me who I’ve had this week.
So to everyone of you that’s had a crappy txt of me, had that broken voice down the line I really appreciate it, more than you know, all the words of encouragement whilst sitting in the sun, or on the floor they mean so much to me and have helped stop that wave taking me under.