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The start of my next chapter 

This is the day we’ve been waiting for since May, in May the doctor said suspected autism, hopefully a diagnosis of autism next appointment. That next appointment was today. 

In June August was ages away, in reality August came around pretty quickly. 

I had got my head around to autism. I had said it from when Z was very young. When certain people agreed made my mind feel better. At times I would think am I imagining all of this. Am I making a bigger deal out of this and is it all just typical toddler behaviour. After many lengthy conversations I was going with what my gut had said all along. What I had said from day one. On Tuesday night when I saw Z’s foot, I knew, I knew he didn’t feel pain the same as you and I, I new there and then that I was right. 

 Today, we get to the hospital and they were running slightly late, I can’t complain about that, I’ve never really been waiting at the hospital. S portage came, she played with Z chatted to myself and G and made the whole experience less nerve wracking. How can one person do that? As I’ve said before she is fab, and if I could name her with a big picture it would be with a huge gold star! Oh go on I’ll give her two. One off me and one off Z! I’m sure without her by our side, being a phone call away, this whole journey would be a different story. I think she went again above what is expected of her and her job. She herself should be proud and so should her boss! 

 The outcome was autism, again this didn’t surprise me or my husband. I have been telling him it will be autism for ages, making sure he knows autism. When he asked a question ( can’t even remember the question!) severe was the answer. Severe, now this word kind of knocked me for six! Severe. As much as I say severe autism even out loud, I can’t completely comprehend the meaning! I think severe is his needs. If his needs change maybe the diagnosis will too? I’m not sure. I didn’t ask. Maybe if he starts to talk, things will change. He may never talk, and as much as I’ve said that to G I don’t think he ever believed me. Today he might. Think for him he’s more scared of Z being left alone in this world when we both die. 

 So, what’s next? Truthfully I do not know. What I do know is it’s not going to change who Z is. I don’t want it to change who Z is, or how Z is looked at. I want him to be a child. I know I’ll have difficulties in the future but for now, I want him to be a toddler, to be able to run around, to be free of everything life is going to throw at him. 

So I’ve joined the Nas M family officially. I know with that group (  family and J of course!) I’ll be able to do anything. Z will be able to do anything. He’ll also be able to have fun. Nas M will make sure of that! Of course meeting with N wouldn’t have been possible without S portage. She has been great not only with Z but with me too. 

 Tonight Z had a party with Nas m, and they were kind enough to let J and E come to play, E had a fab time meeting ‘Anna’, Z laughed at the minion E was absolutely terrified! 

   
 

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first time mother, first time blogger

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