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My questions to my nearly 3 year old.

As I look at my nearly 3 year old, I think of the why. Most other children of his age are asking questions, why this? Why that? What’s this ? What’s that? Obviously with Z not talking he don’t ask any questions. As he sits and plays it’s I who have the why and what questions. 

My whys are not why don’t you talk? They are not why are you different? They are not why autism. 

My why’s and what’s  go like this. 

Why do you line all those ducks up then move them, then line them up again? Then put them all in a corner laying down?! 

Why when you put Mouk on you tube is it in French, and the hot dog song in Japanese ?

Why don’t you like the texture of soft food? 

What really go through that amazing little mind of yours when you line up things, crusts of toast for example?! They are one thing that’s not straight as the toast is cut into squares, yet the crusts seem to have an order to them? 

Why are the trees moving about so funny? 

What’s so funny about certain words that people say? Is it the actual word or the tone? 

Why do you only take to certain people? What is it about the people you take to, do they have any similarities? Am I looking for sequences that are not there? 

Why the number 5? 5 little monkeys, 5 strict mommies, 5 swimming mermaids. Is it the song or 5? 

There are most probably so many questions I could ask,  would I ever get the answers? Probably not! I can sit and watch him ‘play’ for ages, not your typical play behaviour, kitchen play is a good one, when food goes in one place , cups and plates a different place. 

I often just sit and watch him, run about, then spot something like a lone duck and stop and go collect the ducks to line up! 

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Speech and Barry Island

What a lovely day to start the new week. Z had the last session in this block of speech. He mastered the pecs. He took them off the little sticky file, he gave 9 out of 10 the correct card, in return for what he wanted. Now he needs to learn to work with them at home. So I’ll have to go and get some more made up! The other lot have been crumbled, posted, chewed and lost! 

 As it’s been a lovely day, after speech we met with my nan and headed to Barry Island. We got there for around 4pm so was lovely and quiet. Z was so good. He walked the Main Street, he ran on the beach and went and splashed in the sea, in his wellies. 

At first he didn’t want to go any where near the sea, he kept turning back, I picked him up and put him in and said splash splash. Like he does in the puddles. He was so excited. He jumped, he screeched, he hand flapped and even done a little bum wiggling. No he wasn’t doing all this from the wind! It really wasn’t cold. 

We walked back up and sat and had some chips, at first he wouldn’t even try one, but he did and then they were gone. A little walk to the fair, more so for a little nose as to what have been done down there. It was really nice, you can see they are working on much more. Can’t wait to go back. 

He even played ball, ok, the ball kept rolling and he kept chasing! 

The fresh sea air and the running around my little man is fast asleep! 

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Dark cold nights equals early bed time! 

This last week I’ve been quite quiet. No, nothing has been wrong. Just been very busy! I look around and think busy doing what. But the days have been full. With Z going to Creche that little bit earlier and coming to work with me afterwards, time has flown! 

 Between speech therapy, normal morning activities and I’ve started the early bird autism course too. It’s nice to hear other parents chat about their child, and their quirky little ways. Think that’s where time have gone, this last week and last week have sort of mingled into one. Think maybe more so as I was working last weekend, well, I went to work, had to leave. Went to docs on the Monday, he’s certain that it is my gallbladder and that means surgery. I’m not actually thinking of all that! 

So here I am on a vodka Friday letting all you lovely readers know I am still here! Yea, without the vodka! Decided I wasn’t going to go knock on J’s door tonight,           ( I know she has no vodka!) as E turns two tomorrow. Her and Z will be the same age for three weeks, then I have a three year old. I can’t believe that. Next weekend is their party, I’m looking forward to it. A castle a big room and a few children running around and having fun. Or I hope they will be having fun. 

 Z is still doing well, his awareness is still growing. Lots of new sounds, not really any words. But he knows where his head and nose is, I’m sure he knows where all the body parts are but he won’t point! So to catch him out start singing heads, as in heads shoulders and sometimes he’ll put his hands to his head without thinking! 

He’s currently down with nan and grampa, hopefully fast asleep! I know after I’ve finished this I’ll be off to bed. A nice early full nights sleep. I’m getting so old…..! But it’s dark, winter is coming it means bed early. You can get away with it in the dark cold nights!!

Posted in autism, friends, groups

Making friends. 

I’ve mentioned before we’ve joined in with the activities that the local Nas team organise. It’s been fun, for Z meeting other children and for us as a family meeting other families going through what we go through. They’ve been a great help the last few months. Think without them we’d still be plodding along! 

 Anyway, one of the activities that’s been ongoing is kidsfit. Z loves it, there’s equipment to play on, trampolines, balls, scooters and a huge big hall to just run! Z loves running! In the few short weeks of watching children on the scooter, he knows how to work it, can’t quite do it, but knows how it’s supposed to go. He’s made a friend in R’s son J. He’s followed J around for a while, think as he’s the only one who is always there too, it could well have been him who ‘taught’ Z how to work the scooter. I think this as he don’t seem to take notice of anyone else, and I do remember laughing at Z when he was chasing J when he was on the scooter.         We went swimming the other week, again thanks to Nas, Z went and sat next to J, he obviously knows him out of kidsfit. So I’d like to say Z is making friends. There may only be two, two good friends are better than none! Last night I watched J play ball with his dad, Z saw this and went over took the ball off the dad, who he’s only met once, and gave it to J. Was a oh wow moment! 

R spoils Z by putting on his favourite song, Happy! 


So I’d like to thank you for putting on these activities and giving Z the chance to make new friends as well as me making friends! 


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Miserable Monday! 

Monday, can I call it miserable Monday? 

Since having those teeth out I can’t leave Z. Now I’m not used to not leaving Z, I’ve always put him to bed he’s put himself to sleep. He’s just screaming even adding the word no. The word could be a sound, but it could be no as in meaning no. As he’s shaking his head too. So when he’s waking and I’m not there he’s crying, going to the gate and sobbing, me half asleep then sits by the bed. I’m hoping it’s a short term thing, so don’t want to start the whole process of fetching him in to bed with me. So I’ll continue for the time being. 

The questions then are is he in pain? I’m guessing so, come on, 5 teeth out he must be. So I give him Nurofen. Then I think what if he’s not in pain and I’m dosing him up. 

Monday is portage day, between bank holiday and S having her own holidays we’ve not seen her. So this morning was do I cancel, or as he likes S will we be good to go. He was fine on the bus and didn’t hear him when I was getting my hair done. Home and portage. Yea, maybe I should have cancelled. He cried, he was just generally miserable. Not even I could joke with you can have him! It’s not Z, he doesn’t know what he wants. He’s most probably confused, where are the teeth from my mouth gone? If I go to sleep will I wake up with more missing? I have no idea what he is thinking. Or what he is feeling. The teeth had to come out so I can’t even say if I had the choice again I wouldn’t do it because it had to be done. So portage didn’t really happen. As she was leaving he did actually wave , yup, a hand in the air and wave, not sure who wasmore surprised    as he’s not waved in forever, and never to S, then he said ta da. Again that shocked me! So I said close the door, this he did, then looked and cried and threw himself on the floor coz obviously S left! 

I drove him around for 30 minutes or so to see if he would go to sleep, he is so tired. That didn’t work. So it had to be in bed. Again I had to stay with him but he went. I’m hoping that he’ll be ok for speech, again I’m not too sure. I don’t want to cancel if when he wakes he’ll be ok. Thinking he’s quiet when we’re in the car so I’ll just take him and see, if it’s 10 minutes it’s better than not going at all.

Wish me luck for the rest of the day I may need it!! 

Posted in Parents

The hardest thing as a parent I’ve had to do. 

Okay, so I’ve only been a parent for nearly 3 years, but today I can honestly say was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I may have to do something harder in the next few years who knows.  I hope not. 

Today Z was having teeth out. I never mention a place, but today I feel the need too. He was to be at the Royal Glamorgan hospital for 12. We gets there, J very kindly gave up her day to come with me, and her mother gave up her day to watch E.  

I push Z in to the hospital in his Pram, new place, him being tired and hungry and thirsty, pram was going to be the easier option. We gets on to the ward and that’s when he kinda lost it. Apart from not getting monkeys on the bed on the iPad and all above, I was in for a long day. 

The staff were fantastic, they moved us to a cubical, this being for Z or the quietness of the ward I don’t know, nor do I care. It calmed Z down enough. He was going to be first going into theatre. They allowed me and J into the room, with Z still in his pram to put the mask on him to go to sleep. This was the hard part. To hear him cry a frightened little cry, a what’s happening mam cry was heartbreaking. He squirmed a little, but I thought he was going to be a lot worse. His little eyes rolling into the back of his head done me in, that’s when we left, that’s when it was our time to leave. We were back at the ward 10-15 minutes and I got called back up, they wanted him to wake up with me there. They didnt want to upset him. He looked so small in the recovery bed, but was snoring. He wasn’t out of it now but sleeping. Onto the bed and he slept a little while. Woke up and the first thing was the bandage with the Iv point in his wrist out. She came straight away, he had a drink and boy did he knock that water back! Then he realised that his teeth were missing! If I knew the reaction that was going to have, I would have recorded it. When I asked was it only the two teeth out, they came back and said no, five. Five! I thought they were winding me up. But it’s on paper five. Now it’s wait till Z is asleep to find out which five are missing! I’m going with all front four and maybe a back one.  They checked him over, and said he could go home. They didn’t want others crying to distress him, and being at home was in his best interests. Every thing was done today around Z, not around the staff but Z. This I’m grateful for. He doesn’t do waiting, and not waiting whilst tired and hungry. So to get him in and out as quickly as they could, and as safely as they could I think they done very well.

 We came home and he’s been great. He can have some nurofen before bed, and hopefully he’ll have a lovely nights sleep! 

I can’t believe I don’t get to keep his first teeth, I’ll be waiting many years to get a tooth that falls out, I’ll also be waiting years for new teeth to come in. I can’t remember Z gummy! Those teeth were there from 6 months!! 


My brave little guy. Think he deserves a little something tomorrow. Maybe a new weeble to complete his collection! 

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Night before the big day! 

Tomorrow Z gets his teeth out. I’m trying to feed him lots before bed so he won’t want anything to eat! Yes, I know it don’t work that way. It’s going to be hard to keep him at home with no food and sips of water from 9-11. Maybe 9-10.30 and that’s when I’ll leave to get J? J is going to come with me. She don’t want me to go alone. G can’t get the time off work. He’s a bit annoyed, I said he needs to work and we’ll be fine!  A few of the girls said they would come in all fairness, even N said if she wasn’t working she would have come. I was grateful just for that text, as to be fair we’ve not known each other long. Some of the girls I’ve known ages didn’t offer, some I don’t even think know, that’s how often they don’t bother. I’ve got it to their loss not mine. Who wouldn’t want Z and myself to come knock on doors and stay for ages ?! Ok, that may just be J! 

Nervous, at the moment I’m ok, ish. It’s just teeth yea. I know during the time he’s ‘under’ I’ll be a bag of nerves.  The dentist did say that he’ll be out and by the time I get to the end of corridor he’ll be awake. Can just see that corridor being huge now. Until tomorrow I don’t know. At least this time tomorrow it will be all over and we’ll be home. 

 Today as the weather has been lovely we joined F and I and baby J down the park. We walked down played at the park, walked and had a look at the ponds and headed off home. Whilst J was just finishing his bottle, Z looked at him. He actually smiled and went to touch him. I was on edge, F was fine! ( bet deep down she was nervous too!!) Z carried on playing and J seemed to be watching him, then Z went over to him and touched his cheek. The only other person he interacted with from a young age was E, so maybe it won’t be I and Z being best buddies but maybe J and Z. Who knows! It was nice to just see him interact with someone other than E. I’m not fussy, it can be a three month old baby, interaction is interaction! 

After the park was crèche, when he got back in the car, he was fast asleep within ten minutes. So it’s bath time and pjs on. Then a little time to play on the iPad before bed. Shall see how he goes and maybe we can take the pooches to the park before bed. 

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A little 5 minutes. 

This will be the second post I’ve written sat behind the wheel of my car. This time I’m not a complete mess! Z is at crèche his times have changed, I go to work in this hour instead. So I drop him at crèche, work and go collect him. As he was a little later going in today don’t want to pick him up an hour later, so thought I’ll go grab myself a latte from the big M! I’m sitting here drinking it in quiet. 

After work today it’s kidsfit time. I know Z is going to fall asleep on the bus so it’ll be nice to let him run about, before dropping him off home and me heading back for Zumba! 

I survived Monday’s hour, I’ve given myself till Christmas if I can’t do it by then I’ll look at something else!

I’ve also had very big news today, thats a new post altogether when I get the heads up I can share! Excited! 

Now to go collect my little munchkin and see how he’s been. 

Posted in autism, monday

Scooter, bike or trike? 

Today even though it is Monday Z didn’t have portage. Back next week. We haven’t really done much. Well, he made a mess whilst I caught up with yesterday’s dishes, clothes in machine, and just a general tidy up. Food in the slow cooker as I’m off to Zumba later, that way G comes in and foods ready! 

Before Zumba, we had a play out side, I was getting Z a scooter for his birthday, last week crèche informed me he was trying to ride a bike. He has a go on the scooter in kids fit, so thought a scooter would be good. So I pulled out his trike. He’s never bothered with it before. As it has a parent handle the peddles are that little bit harder to push. 
He was having a good go, so now it’s do I get a trike, or a bike with stablisors? He knows what the peddles are for. 

Next up was speech therapy. 

I was pleased with him today he tried really hard. He had a good run around before going in, after waking up. The car trip always puts him to sleep! 

Home for tea and I’m off to Zumba in a bit. Wish me luck!! 

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Weight loss week one. 

Day one went ok, had my turbo trainer, and managed 5 minutes, my poor legs were like jelly! 

I counted all my calories, and continued this right through the week, I did have chips mid week mind as it was our anniversary. G wanted to go out I said no plus Z wasn’t well, so chips it was. 

By day 3 I was doing 15 minutes on the bike. This I was so chuffed with! A whole 15 minutes in 3 days of doing it. 

Even had stuffed mushrooms and rice. 

On day 4 I had the day of from the bike, but as a family we walked around the lake, this was before I went for a meal. Then decided that I would walk to J’s. So even though I didn’t use the bike I walked instead. 

Now for the weekend! 

Ok, so I don’t really trust my scales! They are coming down, but I move to a different tile and they go up! 

This week I’ve still been good, being back in work I’ve clocked up more steps on my fit bit and can actually do 20 minutes on my bike. My legs don’t hurt but I think I may need a softer seat! Ouch…. 

So, going with the scales from last Tuesday to this Tuesday, I know it’s Friday today but I wanted to make sure the scales were coming down! In going with Tuesday’s weight and hoping that I’ve lost 3lbs! I’m happy enough with that, having an under active thyroid is always much harder to loose than to gain. I will persevere, may even walk to J’s tonight without vodka as in working tomorrow.