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Four years ago. 

As I’m sitting here watching Z eat an apple, that he choose and wanted to eat, it takes me back to this time four years ago. 

Was this time I started my ivf treatment. I can remember it like it was yesterday and not four years ago. Pulling the lid off the needle, getting it to the right setting, grabbing my belly fat and boom straight in! A few bruises but I coped ok, until the second lot of injection the second week, these ones I had a bit of a reaction too. May trips to Cardiff hospital every day and was all ready for my egg collection. 

Every year on Feb 10th we have a ‘made today’ day! We get a cake and have little party food, just me, G and Z. It’s kinda like two birthdays! I know I can keep this tradition with the two frozen embryos left if I ever defrosted them and they grew into babies, as they were all conceived the same day. 

It makes you think of those frozen, I know I have to defrost them, but when I don’t know. I know I have to be ready, both physically and mentally. I’m not there yet. I’m sure I’ll get there some day! 

Wonder what cake we’ll get in two weeks time! 

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Headlice and sensory troubles. 

When this is the letter Z came home from school with yesterday, I knew it was the start of trouble! 

Going from the fact that Z can’t tolerate a hairbrush in his hair, never mind a haircut, it was going to be fun trying to look for lice.

I sat and tried a nit comb through his hair and he screamed, he cried, he ran. 

Second thing is check my own, I didn’t find anything after 45 minutes. 

Today, Z was scratching still wouldn’t allow me to look using my hands to go through his head, he wouldn’t or couldn’t tolerate the comb, so I best just treat as a precaution. 

I only started squirting the stuff, and oh dear, the screaming started, the crying. We managed to keep it in for 10 minutes out of the 15. The shampoo and wash out was a nightmare. He screamed, he cried, he lashed out. I felt so sorry for him. Knowing I have to do it all again in 7 days just incase. He cried all the way to school first time since he’s started he cried going in. Teacher did say that as soon as he was there he was fine. 

I think there should be a new way to kill these things, maybe shock them! 

Posted in autism


*I started writing this at 4am when Z was up and had been up since 2.45! 


What does autism mean to me now nearly a year after thinking Z has autism, and six months after diagnoses. 

As I’m listening to him babble away for the last hour, I’ve learnt that a non verbal person with autism isn’t quiet! Before Z was quiet! Before he found that little voice, before he learnt he could do many sounds with that little voice! From shouting to whispering, that’s a new skill thanks to school. 

I’m thinking we’re always going to go through patches of no sleep. Why? Because that’s what Z does! I know he’s not doing it on purpose, tonight I thought he had woken up cold, as he had undressed himself before bed, yup, taken off his all in one and sleeping bag, I found him with the sleeping bag over his head. I put pj bottoms on him and socks, didn’t want to wake him by putting a top on him so left the heating on instead. Other nights when he wakes up I don’t know what wakes him! 

I’ve learnt just because he couldn’t do something doesn’t mean he never will. I have a different child to this time last year, one that has made tremendous progress in every area. 

His eye contact has improved loads with familiar people. He knows what he wants now and how to get it. He notices loads more and he will copy when he wants to, something this time last year he didn’t do at all.

Z will take notice of most things, he’s still interested in how things work, and will start to use a car to go down a garage, he will throw a ball and laugh, he knows how to use a scooter, just needs a little bit of practice! 

So when I was told autism I was also told what ever he can’t do add on a yet, that yet may come in the next few weeks months or even years, but it will come. 

This morning Z woke at 8, I’ve done nothing but yawn! Z seems fine, ok he looks a little tired but I’m most probably looking like something from the walking dead!! He’s gone to his drum lesson and will give it ago, he’s learning to copy when he wants to.

By 3.20 when the bus has been going five minutes he’ll be sleeping! That’s going to be a fact! 

I’ve also learnt that yes, I did make the correct choice in where I sent him to school, I’m glad I choose special school as I’ve seen a big change in him, he loves it, he can’t wait to get in and still all smiles coming home that’s gotta be a good sign havnt it! 
Linked up to

For #spectrumsunday 

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Photo shoot, party and park. 

This morning Z went to have his picture taken in his school uniform, we went to the studio, put on his uniform and took it off to leave. Didn’t want to confuse him by putting it on him to leave. He had a few smiles for the camera, it’s good that he’s used to the photographer, she’s been taking pics of him from his first birthday! He knows her, knows she’s going to take photos so plays along nicely, most of the time! 

Next up we stopped at J’s for a quick coffee before a party, he’s not seen E since Tuesday, being in school we seem to only see E once a week, with the weather being rather poor can’t even go anywhere after school as its been too wet. He had a big smile getting there and couldn’t wait to get in.  Today, as E is being a normal toddler and taking toys off him, normally he accepts it, today he didn’t and went to attack her, lucky J was in between to stop him. Yes, J can stop him I don’t have a problem with that, she can tell him off when he’s misbehaving too! So it’s, should I be proud that he attacked, not proud as in he attacked, proud that he stood up for what he wanted, as he’s never really done this before. Or mortified that he attacked. After he made E cry, he got quite upset, I don’t think he knew he had hurt her he just don’t like E crying, if she’s been naughty in the past and gone in time out its like something from Romeo and Juliet, she’s screaming behind the gate, Z’s screaming and shaking the gate looking at J as if to say let her back in! He really does love E in as much as a child can love! He watches her and copies her as much as he can, and she copies him. She likes to mother him and wants to feed him jelly! I look forward to seeing how their relationship progresses. 

When we went to the party, Z couldn’t handle it, was a lot more there than we thought would be, he kept taking my hand to the door. But he tried, he smiled going in looking at the lights, but didn’t have the room to run around and come to terms with anew place. 

So, we went to the park, took his scooter and the pooch! 


Where ever Z goes the pooch is behind him watching every move!

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End of another week.

I can’t believe it’s Friday already, another week over, Z has already done two weeks at school. 

He’s done ok, can’t wait to get in still. Excited when we arrive and smiling when he comes out. 

Tonight, as J can’t face vodka after last Friday’s birthday drinks, I choose to stay at home and catch up on bones, I have four full seasons until I can catch up on tv. That’s what I’m doing, pizza for tea, with a glass of pineapple juice, bones on tv, and writing up a blog! I’ve not written much in the last few weeks with Christmas, new year and well nothing happening! 

Today was a different day as we had snow! Z knew it was something on the floor, he wouldn’t walk unless I held his hand, at first he wouldn’t touch it. He did without gloves to start, wiped it off my hand and then touched it. 


We took the pooch to play in the garden, he followed Z around like he always does, sometimes I feel so sorry for him as he only wants Z to play with him! 

 They look as if they have this really good bond, maybe in their own ways they do?! 

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First certificate! 

Yesterday Z came out of school with a certificate! Yes his very first one. 

I took it, and thanked the teacher. I assumed that the children get them quite often. Speaking to another parent I found the answer was no, and that when they get them they are quite deserving. 

So I was very pleased with how well he’s actually settled.

His reports every day have been really positive, he likes to play outside, jumping in puddles, and running around. 

He can’t wait to get in, and always comes out with a smile, well other than last Friday when he was sleeping! 

I’m glad I choose to put him here now and not mainstream. There is no way he would be allowed to do what he’s doing now, jumping in puddles as part of work?! 

They say he don’t stop babbling away, yea, he’s like my very own minion. 

On Monday we had a little visior, when she came in and said Z’s name he was chatting away to himself, then when she said hello, we both looked at one another as we’re sure he said hello back. He then continued to sit her down, try to take her coat of and made her tickle his neck! 

Last night going to bed I always put him in bed, chuck his blankets over his head, and then find him to give a kiss and say night night, it’s become a little game! Last night I’m sure he actually replied nigh nigh! 

I can’t wait to see what 2016 has in store in the way of progress! 

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Fussy eating and autism

So this last few weeks Z have found a love of microchips. He’s practically living on microchips, cheese spread sandwich, toast, fruit gummies, jelly and custard cream biscuits. 

I think that it’s a very poor diet, I make sure his drinks are water, smoothies ,juice  or water, with a glass of milk before bed. 

Where has my baby who would eat everything gone. It’s mad as a few weeks back he would eat pizza, sausage rolls, and breadsticks. Those he won’t touch now. To think he must like them to have eaten them for weeks. Wonder what foods he will eat after the love of micro chips dies down?

I’m hoping one day he will want to try new foods, will want to go for food to try something new. Maybe seeing others at school will help, maybe it won’t. 

The plus side to micro chips is he’s learnt that they are in the freezer, he’s learnt they need to go In the micro, he’s making a choice to put a little salt on them, but he’s eating, and he’s going through boxes of them!  


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Week one done 

First week of school went well. Z couldn’t wait to get in when he saw where we were going. He did fall asleep on the way there but was fine going in. 

He’s always smiling coming out, walking out with the teacher. On Friday they had to carry him out as he was fast asleep that’s what a full week of afternoons do to a 3 year old!

On Thursday it was J’s birthday, so vodka Friday was a birthday drink night. It’s now Saturday afternoon and J is still feeling the effects of vodka. I’m finding it quite funny as normally its me who’s the one that feels the effects of vodka. Today I’m fine. 

Maybe, because I had the hospital at 11.30, to be fair I was in and out. Do need to have my gallbladder out, ok hoping it’s going to be in the six weeks holidays when I’ve not got to worry about getting Z to school. 

Here’s to next week. Hopefully some snow may even be heading our way! 

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I started writing this post last night when I couldn’t sleep. 

Thinking, as I’m laying in bed not sleeping, thinking about Z starting school, listening to him snore, the hubby snoring and I’m just laying here thinking. To believe four years ago I was laying here thinking too. It was when I was to start my ivf journey. What if it didn’t work, what if there were no eggs, what if there were twins, what if I couldn’t do it. Now the thoughts are how have four years gone so fast? Where have the four years gone? In four years we’ve lost family members, G’s dad being a main one, we’ve moved on from certain people, people who I’d share my worrying thoughts and excitement over Ivf no longer part of our lives. In four short years so much have changed. In four short years I’ve also made some incredible friends, met some wonderful people and laughed. 

The next four years, I wonder what these will bring, I know there’ll be niece or nephew as that’s this year, in sure then my sister is going to be in my ‘thinking’ posistion! 

Today, ( yes this is when I’m finishing my post off) G woke Z up going off to work so we’ve been up since around 6.15, my living room looks like we’ve had a play date with at least five children, nope it’s only Z! 

So in four hours, Z will be on his way to school. His first day at big school. This time last year when we were waiting on portage and unsure what that was going to be like, now it’s school. No Creche where he was one of the big children , he’s now one of the youngest, some children at his school are 19 so big people. Right, he’s not going to have anything to do with the big people. 

Now what do we do for these four hours. I know he’s staying in his pjs, no place to go I’m not even going to get him dressed! 

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New year. 

It’s already January, where have that crept up from?! 

I can’t believe I have two days and Z starts school. 

A few months back I didn’t know what would be happening, where he would be, where I would be with work wise. I’m lucky I get to keep my job and take Z to school. 

Looking back on the last year we have achieved quite a lot, made new friends, been new places and learnt a lot. 
New Year’s Eve was spent with LJ and S playing monopoly, having a few drinks and lighting fireworks at 12! 


Was up nice and early this morning, so took Z and the pooch to the park and done a few laps of the lake, home by 11.30. Still time to get something done today? Not that I’m expecting to get much done with a hung over husband!