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Thursday. Weigh in.

Today I’m not going to go to weigh as I feel it wouldn’t be a true reflection of my weight loss.

Today I have a hospital appointment so yesterday had to take two lovely glasses of laxatives. Lovely not! 

I can’t wait until 3pm today when I should be able to eat, after 26 hours of no food. Yes I’m counting the hours. Who would go on a starve yourself mission to prove a point I don’t know! I’m already tired, and I have 10 Plus hours of sleep! I have a head ache and feel Blugh. Yes, feeling very sorry for myself! 

But, I’ve taken my measurements, as I know it’s * week too, my waist stayed the same, it’s crazy how I can still feel bloated but lighter at the same time! My calf half an inch and my thigh an inch. So already lost 8.5 inches. 

Now here’s to next week and try and get a true reflection of the weight loss! I can get on my scales and they say 5-7lbs off, but that’s just from being empty! 

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First art project – Z’s homework. 

For half term Z had homework. I’m all for letting children do their own work, but at 3 that’s just not possible for Z. I could ask him to colour, paint or do anything and he wouldn’t! 

Some of the things on his list were :-

Bunch of daffodils                                                   Millennium stadium model                   Welsh castle model                                       Paper mache Welsh rugby ball

Let imagination run wild. 

So, I thought I’ll try a paper mache Welsh dragon. The week went by, on Thursday evening I was rememinded of his homework. 9pm I was in tesco getting glue. 

  
This is how he started.

  By 10pm he had a chest! 
  
Friday morning he had 3 legs and some sort of tongue. 

 By Saturday morning he had all his legs, his head and body. I didn’t like his two front legs so they came off and re set! I also shaved off half his chest, it was too fat!  

 
When I attached his wing and tail I decided I didn’t like his face and ears . So changed that too. 

That hardest part was the spikes, didn’t know how I was going to achieve that. But I did. 

  
Meet the finish dragon! 

Z had a go at putting his hands in the glue and water. He stuck a few pieces of paper. Next was the painting, he had a go, until he realised it was a brush, and proceeded to brush his teeth, with red paint and glue! 

Well done Z on achieving your first piece of homework!! 

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First half term of the year

The first half term is over. It’s been q quick week. Think today is our only lazy day. Where at 1 were both in our pjs, clean pjs as Z was sick over his to start and mine, then he tipped water over my clean pjs! 

We’ve had a crazy morning with his iPad not working, me being on the phone to Apple, and still not being able to do anything. Z finally fixed it and I have no idea how!

So this week we’ve had a busy week. We stared off in Garwnant on Sunday. Monday we went down to Barry, spent the evening on the beach, was nice was good to spend with new friends. 

Tuesday was our normal indoor soft play session, as it was a nice day spur of the moment we went back to Garwnant with J and E. 

As Wednesday was injection day we didn’t do much, went for feet measured, new shoes and of course a ride on the peppa pig car. 

Thursday, we go back to soft play! Yea they kids love it, they serve coffee and the staff are fab too, so may as well go there. Take nan shopping, home for diner and off to the park. Home for tea, oh and weigh in, then down to another soft play for the monthly NAS session. Z loves it’s down there too! 

So here we are Friday. Not done anything, other than clean up sick, spend and hour on the phone to Apple support, put a wash in, attempt to make a paper mache dragon for Z’s homework and that covers it! I will strip the beds and get clean bedding on them before the end of the day!  

As there was so many photos from this week I’ve added them to one. Much easier 

  
 

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Thursday = weigh in! 

After last weeks 1/2lb gain after all that walking, I increased my steps this week. I had a little bit of healthy competition with a few fit bit friends over the weekend, seeing others getting in more steps makes you wanna walk more! So been joining in with two this week, well one I’m bottom of the group and one half way, I’m up to 40,741 at the moment, since Monday so I’m averaging around 10 thousand steps a day. That’s really earning them. This morning me and the pooch were lapping the lake before 9. 

So, anyway, I didn’t think I had lost any weight, I’m keeping track of measurements at home, off my waist I lost 1 inch, 1 inch off my thigh and 1/2 off my calf.  2. 5 inches this week along with 2.5 last week that’s 5 inches. Last week I gained 1/2lb, this week I’ve lost that 1/2. Yuppie! Now back at my starting weight but 5 inches lost. I’m happy with that, I don’t really care if my weight don’t go down as long as I loose the inches, and I can see I’ve lost it. Here’s to next week, more walks, with the lighter evenings, back at work, always get in at least another thousand steps! 

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Embryo transfer 

Following on from five days ago, my ‘made today’ day post, today marks four years for embryo transfer. 

I was terrified, my sister took us down to the hospital, we went met with the team. I had possibly six embryos, two were top grade, one was good and the other three were being given one extra day to see if they hit blastocyst stage. 

They advised me to only transfer one of the top grade embryos, freeze the two and wait until the day after to maybe freeze the others. 

So off we went to transfer the one embryo. All I could think of what if it don’t stick, what if I pee it out. 

Our first picture of Z was this one. He’s 5 days old, blastocyst stage.  

 
This photo was shown to everyone! They must have thought I was crazy. 

So transfer went, they made me get up as soon as, maybe because I really needed a wee! It was so strange watching it all happen on screen, it was like a little flash of lightening, then it’s done. 

Those two weeks of waiting to see if it had stuck were torture, had to do things as if you were pregnant but scared that you wasn’t. 

I’m just lucky Z stuck, and from the first scan 3 weeks later, when all you could see was a dot, if he was a boy he was named Z. 

Now I have an amazing 3 year old sitting next to me after taking my iPad off me, to watch minions, I would go through it all again tomorrow. 

Everything have taught me to be thankful for what I’ve got, yes, I whinge when I don’t get sleep, but I’m all good when I get a full night! It’s also taught me don’t give up, and you always get what you want! 

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Valentine’s Day 

As its Valentine’s Day and the sun was shinning, we decided to take Z out. Not worth going for a meal as Z don’t tolerate many places and if it’s busy not going to happen! 

So we stopped at McDonald’s for fries, before heading to garwnant. 

  
 
I’d been before with J, G’s never been. First thing Z spots was the park so over we go. I thought he would have wanted to climb, but he wanted the swing. Maybe it was because he was wearing wellies. 

  
We followed the path and spotted many different wooden sculptures. For the first time Z actually took notice. He noticed the sticks on the floor, even the acorns on the sticks. I was so proud! 

   
 
When we came to the river he wanted in! He managed to get to the edge and splash with me holding his hood, he can’t loose grip of me that way! How he didn’t slip I don’t know! It wasn’t a fast paced river and he was safe at all times. 

  
Maybe watching too much pooh sticks! I couldn’t put any in or he would have been in after them. 

Back to the park to finish off a lovely day.  

 
Can’t wait to take him back and go find the other animals that we missed today. 

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Sleep, what’s sleep?!

As I’m laying here being kept awake by Z, again, thinking how hard and alone this autism journey makes you feel. 

I’m six months into a diagnosis and I’m not going to lie it’s not got any easier. 

So thought I’d do something useful and make a post for parents who are six months behind me! 

It’s hard, for me it’s the times Z don’t sleep, the times I have to function on two hours sleep. I need my sleep I’m a horrible snappy person without it. 

Bet I’m not the only one who, now always seem to be arguing with the other half. Again about sleep! You get more than me, I work full days, but I need sleep more than you! Yup, childish arguements that tend to involve a lot of shouting when we’re both sleep deprived at 3 o’clock in the morning! 

That night after the night before when you gotten no sleep and he beats you to sleep and snores, snores so loudly that if I could I’d pick him up and throw him out of the window! I actually hate my husband when he lays at the side of me and snores! Again nasty tired person here! 

The times he cries and we have no idea why, was it a bad dream? Is he sick? Is he thirsty? Is he hungry ? Has he got a ear infection and does he need Nurofen? You think when you have a baby that cries and you don’t know why that it’s not forever, in this case it could be. That’s terrifying. 

When Z started school I stopped seeing people, portage and speech being the main ones, these all get done at school. So your used to seeing professionals then bam all stopped! So again you feel all alone! 

When you read posts and people say you start off grieving for the child you’ll never have, I don’t believe that’s right In all cases, I’ve not grieved for a child I’ll never have, I have Z, and Z alongside autism have taught me many things. 

I wouldn’t change Z because with out autism he wouldn’t be who he is. Sometimes for that brief moment if I could I’d take autism away just for Z to be able to tell me why he’s crying, I would. 

When you see other children playing with one another and Z just oblivious to it all, it’s hard for that brief moment as that’s what children are supposed to do, but take one look at Z running, taking things in, and smiling makes it all go away. He’s happy, that’s what matters. 

Yes, it’s hard, more so from other people giving little glances, then how old is he. As if he shouldn’t be doing this or he should be doing that! 

He’ll get there, and when he does it’ll be as important as if he had done it when he should have. 

I for one and I know other parents with children on the spectrum would love to get in their heads. Just for an hour and I’m guessing it would be too much and I’d need to leave. 

I also know these sleepless nights are short lived, he will go back to sleeping for a few weeks, then I’ll be fine. I’ll look back and say, ‘Oh yea, remember that time?’ Look at me in the summer when I couldn’t get him out of the car, now he gets in and out and it’s all good. 

He’s learning things all the time, like putting the letters of the alphabet into order. He knows when we’re going to soft play, so he knows what day of the week it is. He goes to get his bag of he wants something or to even go out. To go to school he’s going and getting his jumper! What kid goes to get his uniform?! 

I wouldn’t change him, when he hits certain achievements I’ll celebrate them more as it just makes what he does do that little extra special! 

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Weigh in

First week of being on my diet officially, last week joined a slimming club, challenge was drink 8 cups of water a day so that’s about 3litre bottles. I’ve managed it, go me! I’ve managed to walk for at least 30 minutes a day getting in to peak heart rate work out for around 9 minutes, 10 minutes warm up 10 minute cool down. I’m happy with that, happy I’ve managed to hit 9k steps every day.

I’ve stored all my food in my fitness pal, part from Tuesday when I went all day on 2 hours sleep and didn’t eat much and when I did it was crisps! 

My trousers are looser on me, can feel them, and my knickers don’t rub the tops of my legs anymore! Lost 1.5 inches of the tops of my legs 1/2 an inch off my calf and an inch off my waist, yet put on half a lb on the scales. 

I’m not beating myself up about it just yet, I’m hoping it’s my body just getting used to the water and walking, I’m not going to give up just yet! 

I also know from past groups that * week you gain, I also know I can gain up to 7lb, that for me personally means I start that gain after ovulation, 3lb this week 3lb next week. My Fitbit can tell me this before my body, my resting heart rate raises by 2 from 79-81. 

So I’ll keep walking, I’ll keep weighing, I’ll keep measuring, will have to start a before and after pictures too. 

I could have come home and eaten rubbish but I didn’t, I finished off the last half a litre of water and had pasta tuna and veg for tea. 

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Made ‘Today’ day !

Every year we celebrate the 10th February as Z’s made today day. 

As I’ve never shared it on my blog, it was the day of egg retrieval and fertilisation. 

Four years ago today Z was made, not only do we share his birthday but it’s become a little family tradition of cake and nibbles. It started when he was four months old and I got a cake and a candle as Z had been made for a whole year, it’s just gone on from there,  so today we get to eat cake! 

Four years, I can still remember it like yesterday, nervous on the drive to the hospital. Worried there wouldn’t be any eggs. Scared it wouldn’t work. Waiting my turn. Counting down from ten and being woken up. Remembering hearing the number eighteen. Eighteen was the number of eggs they managed to retrieve. 

I said I was scared they wouldn’t have any as I was high risk ohss, at one point that week I was go to be stopped, I was over producing follicles. Sounds good when you say they could be eggs but it’s not. I was over reacting to to meds. So instead of doing the full two weeks of meds I done ten days and egg retrieval was brought forward two days. 

I can remember going into the room, sitting on the chair and thinking this isn’t anything like private practice. It’s mad what you can remember after four years. Being woken up and told go walk to the toilet, don’t go back to sleep,  get dressed, go home. Sitting in the coffee shop waiting to be picked up to come home, being dropped off at home and going to bed. Waking up in the evening and wanted a Macyds that my sister kindly got! Said its mad what you can remember. Like that day is etched on my mind. 

I can’t say the procedure hurt, uncomfortable, but not agony. Would be bearable to do again if I had to. I’ve thought of egg donation it’s something maybe I would do, if the time was right! 

So today, is very different to four years ago, I have a three year old climbing all over me trying to put the family finger puppets on my left hand, luckily I write with my right! 

With everything Z has brought me, the hard times, the sleepless nights the worry, I would never turn back the clock and not do it. There’s so many good things he’s done  to be proud of even in three years! 

Let’s go buy cake!!

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Just go to sleep

When you make connections that gluten could be what’s keeping  Z awake at night, he’s been off it he sleeps, he eats it were awake. Tonight he woke at 11.15 it’s now nearly 3 and he’s still awake. I’ve put him back into his bed I don’t know how many times, I’ve shouted, he’s ran and hit the bed resulting in a cut eye. I’ve laid next to him, he’s gone in the spare room with G, he’s back in his room stripped. He’s stripped himself. I don’t know what else he wants. We’ve tried everything, I just know when my alarm goes off I’m not going to want to get out of bed. I’ve not been to sleep yet. I came to bed at 10.30, G ‘woke’ me out of my just dozing off at 11 then snored for the 15 minutes before Z woke. 

It’s hard when I don’t know what he wants, it’s even harder to function when I’m tired, when I’m tired I get a headache and get snappy. That leads to the arguments between us as G is up for work at 5.30 so an hour and half before me. But he can sleep in the spare room through Z’s babbling where as I can’t, I woke him at 1, at least he’s had 2 hours sleep! More than me. 

Then when your body thinks your getting up and decides it’s hungry that makes it harder again to fall asleep when Z finally gives in. No I’m refusing to go and have breakfast at 3 am. If I wasn’t so tired and hungry I’d chuck Z in the car and just drive in the hope he falls asleep. It’s really not funny now, when you have to function on 4 hours sleep if your lucky. I can’t shout at him to get into bed as much as I want to I don’t want to wake the neighbours either. Sure Z running around his room disturbs them.