Posted in autism

Guilty 

This post have been coming and going for days. I jot things down and then come back and try and make sense of what my mind is feeling at 3am when it’s tired! 

I’m laying here in a bed when Z is sleeping on the floor, no I didn’t put him there he’s put himself there and has been there for a few nights. I’ve moved him to bed when I’ve come up, but he cries and goes back on the floor. 

I’m guessing it’s some sort of sensory seeking thing. Cold? Hard? Smooth? I don’t know. I do feel guilty for leaving him there and for not knowing why he’s favouring the floor right now. 

I feel guilty when I don’t know what’s up with him. This past 3 days he’s had a cough, maybe he has a sore throat? His temperature is fine. I’ve tried cough medicine it didn’t work, gave some Nurofen incase there’s a sore throat, but I can’t take him to doctors and say what’s up. It could just be a cold and being male it’s typical man flu, from a very young age ! 

I feel guilty when I want to take him some place big  like say Lego land, but I know he would struggle, it would be too busy, he’d run and I could loose him. That would be my worst nightmare. 

We have to stick to a few hours out, like one day in the week we went to the beach, we were only there an hour, but Z had so much fun in the sea fully clothed! Glad I had a towel in the car and that I always carry spare clothes! 

Think G actually seen how difficult he can be when he came out of the sea soaked as Z dragged him up to his waist! 

Sometimes I feel guilty that I can’t do things like others can, but it soon passes when we do achieve something, and I keep telling myself he’s still young! 

Posted in School holidays

First day of the holidays.

Summer holidays have began. Z was good and didn’t give me a 3am wake up, and got up at a reasonable 6.45 that I can deal with. It’s nearly 7 so all is good! 

This morning has been spent lining trains and cars up, watching you tube, and lining the peppa pig figures up. 

I’m heading to the docs later, see if I can be sent for an allergy test to see what I’m actually allergic to. The hubby is only working half day today and tomorrow having two weeks off. Yea, from work, he’ll be putting a shed together at some point! 

Think Z and myself will head off out with J and E not sure where yet, but we’ll find somewhere fun. Shame the sun isn’t shining as we could have happily have sat in the garden with the pool out. Never mind plenty of days left! 

The rest of the morning before heading to docs will be spent tidying away the random mess put toys away, whilst Z plays in the garden!

Posted in Review

An evening at Five guys with 11 local bloggers. 

On Monday evening I was lucky to be invited by Cathryn from Cardiffmummysays to Five guys, down in the Red Dragon Centre, Cardiff Bay.

 I had heard a few good things about here for the gluten free burgers, you just leave the bun off, and the chips are also gluten free, so it was an offer I couldn’t turn down. It also gave me chance to meet with some other local bloggers. I had met a few at the Christmas event last year. So was nice to catch up. It’s mad that I’ve been chatting away to this group on Facebook, re tweeting tweets and liking Instagram pictures, so feels like you already know someone. 

Here we all are!  Jess, Sally, Me, Laura, Cathryn Kelly, Alina, Kerry, Sarah, Alana and Photo credit goes to Deborah.

My photo really doesn’t do the food justice, as it was lovely! I went for the bacon cheeseburger with onions, mushrooms and mayo, and it didn’t touch the sides! 

I was impressed with the prices, coming from the valleys down to the bay, we always say how expensive it is, but five guys was good value for money. 

The burgers are double burgers, and the little cheeseburger is one burger. So as I wasn’t having the bun I could treat myself to the two! This was around £8 but with unlimited toppings to chose from was well worth £8! We ordered fries for the table to share, the large fries are £5 but this feeds around 4 people. I know I could go here as a family, spend around £25 and be well fed! Yes, I’m going back, I’m going to try Z one day. 

We ordered our food and it was all cooked to order so took around 10-15 minutes, so very quickly, most of the girls had milkshakes, and I Must admit they looked lush! Well except Sarah who had bacon in hers. Yes, I couldn’t quite get to grips with drinking bacon bits! The soft drinks are refillable, so I got the chance to taste so many fantas, grape, cherry and strawberry! 

After we finished our food we all sat around laughing and chatting away like we had all known each other for ever. I can’t wait for the next time we all get to meet up again! 

I’ve left a list of who the girls are if you want to pop on over and take a look at who has helped me loads this last few months, and yes Deborah is Mrs Fd! When I told my mates I was going out, the following morning I had a text asking so was Mrs FD there! 
Alana – Baby holiday

Alina – We made this life

Cathryn – Cardiff mummy says

Deborah – Family days tried and tested

Kerry – All about a mini Norris

Jess – Mrs helicopter writes

Kelly – Kelly Allen writer

Laura – Side street style

Sally  – Teddy bears and cardigans

Sarah – The Herniman house 

Thanks to The red dragon centre and Five guys for letting us eat, drink and have a good catch up. 

 

Posted in autism, Dentist, hospital

More teeth out.

Z was poorly last week, last Sunday we had him to primecare, as he wasn’t sleeping, couldn’t settle and generally unwell. Normally after his nose stops running and a temp appears it’s a ear infection. Doctor couldn’t see an infection, and his throat was clear. Gave us antibiotics as we know him best and he was in pain. Somewhere. 

On Sunday and Monday we fought to get those Antibs down him, he spat more out that he drank. Think on Wednesday he had a drop out of all three lots, he learnt to keep those lips tight shut, gargle the liquid and spit out!

Thursday morning he resembled a hamster, one side of his face very swollen, it was either his teeth, or his throat. As the doctors open before dentist  I had to book that first incase dentist said not teeth related. Was lucky to get an appointment straight away with dentist. They managed a little view of his teeth with me holding him upside down and she was convinced it was his two teeth, the ones that were connected to the teeth he had bumped when he was one, and had taken out . 

He had another emergency appointment in another dentist to get the hospital referral though. Tomorrow! Friday he was to go and have his teeth out. 

If only he could tell me where he was hurting, that doctors appointment on Sunday could have easily have been a dentist appointment and he wouldn’t have had to struggle for nearly a week before I thought teeth.

He done very week yesterday getting those teeth out. He didn’t want to enter the hospital, but they have added a coffee place just as you walk in, why feel the need to do this? Loud noises, coffee machines gong off, people eating and talking and a new environment, makes it an easy target to run back out. 

He’d already been signed up to a cubicle as there’s no way he’d manage on a ward, new places, screaming children, a recipie for meltdown. 

This time he walked to the theatre he done very well, the only difference this time was I didn’t have to watch him as he was put under, didn’t have to see his eyes roll to the back of his head. I was holding him, and he was holding his blankie and he didn’t really fight it much. 

Ok, when he came around the needle in his hand really did distress him, and if he could have gotten it out, oh he would have! He just wanted out of there.

He was starving, so hungry that he ate three mini pork pies in the car. Two cheese spread sandwiches at home, along side half a pack of Pringles, then munched on some chips for tea! 

We had to pop out shopping, so he choose some more playdoh for being a good boy, and some my little pony bath toys! Not that dad was impressed with ‘girls’ toys! Was funny to see my son carrying my little ponys in the trolley and the husband cringing when we passed anybody, because his son was holding girl toys! Get a grip mate,  toys are toys, there was a red, blue and pink pony. What you say that if you had a girl you wouldn’t allow them to play with the blue one because blue is a boys colour?! Get in with the times! 

Anyways! Z was the best he has been all week last night, the swelling had gone completly this am, he’s eaten his toast, Jaffa cakes, and is now on some bacon crisps! 

Posted in autism

How I knew Z was ‘different’.

A few people ask me how did you know Z was different and when did you know. 

Looking back the ‘signs’ were there from only a couple of weeks old. The same song on repeat to go to sleep. We never had a problem with sleeping. he was a good baby, again another ‘sign’.  As he was getting older by a few months it was the sitting on your lap to go to sleep or his swing, he loved his swing, and the car. Again, looking back was he sensory seeking from a very young age? He never really liked to be cwtched to sleep. On his terms! 

When I say to people he could do a shape sorter very well at around five – six months,  at the time I would just be looked at as if yea, whatever, after the asd diagnoses I often get, my son too!  Jigsaws was another, he was matching animal one piece jigsaws around eight months old, doing ten piece joined puzzles young. At not even two he could do a twenty four piece puzzle very quickly. 

He never used the furniture to get about or any walking toys, just after one he just got up and ran, he was never slow and just went through evething, wouldn’t have any awareness of there’s objects or people there.

He would be the only one in a soft play place just running with two of the same colour balls, again he was just gone one. He loved to match the same colours, or same objects.

He never pointed to get his needs across, he still don’t point, he can’t follow a point. Along side not following a point he wouldn’t go get anything asked of him. At that typical toddler stage, oh go get the ball, nothing, again still not quite there with that, sometimes he will but not often. 

The fussy eating came later, when he was weaned he would eat anything, except pasta, he was sick just after his first birthday and after that his diet was very limited. But he did like sand! 

Words, no babbling and no copying was a big ‘something’ isn’t quite right, most one year olds copy ‘ uh oh’, Z didn’t. He didn’t really play ‘peek a boo’ like most babies / toddlers, he would sometimes laugh at you but wouldn’t initatiate a game of peek a boo. 

Round things, Z was fascinated with round things, wheels were a big one, at a park the first thing he would go to would be the roundabout, he would carry two of the same coloured balls about. He would spin pram wheels, he would spin toy car wheels.

Lines! This he’s always done, we’ve always had lines, of ducks, blocks, you name it he lined them! 

T.v shows on repeat, his first favourite program was Henry hugglemonster and he would watch it all day, followed quickly by Winnie the Pooh, he still loves Winnie the Pooh. 

When I bought him his own iPad, he quickly learnt how to work it, you tube and searching for what he wanted to watch. People would say how clever he was. 

Clever! He’s always been very clever, he’s very visual so will take things in and store them for when he needs them. 

Social. Now this was a big one. We could be in play groups and he would just run up and down, never really took any notice of other children, to him he was there on his own. He loved the signing time, but he’s always loved songs. He didn’t look at the same children and try and chat to them, or follow them, or even chase them like you see two year olds do. He never paralleled play, he done what he wanted to. 

Now at three he’s getting there, he’s babbling like a one year old, he’s trying to get his point across to you, he’s starting to listen to simple commands, he’s trying very hard. He will watch E, he will see what she’s doing, sometimes he’ll go and look, he’s very loving towards her and baby T, he tries to give baby T his dummy and lots of kisses! He allows E to kiss him, and will catch her hand. So yes he’s making lovely progress. 

Don’t forget some children like to do these things and there isn’t anything wrong, so please don’t read this and march your child off to docs saying they have autism! This was just how I knew Z was different. 

There were things he didn’t do, that are pointers for asd like throw things, again this is a ‘new’ skill! He was never really distructive, again this is a lovely new skill! Each child is different even with children with asd, but each one is unique and I have to say lush! 

Posted in autism, sickness

Poorly Z.

Since Thursday evening Z havnt been happy asleep. Keeps crying in his sleep. Yesterday he was tired after not getting much sleep Friday night. Could tell he was tired as he cwtched up and pinned me to the settee fast asleep holding his ear which made me think was it an infection, yet his nose is still running. 


As a very early birthday present we got him a tv for his room, with the hopes that he’ll associate a program with bed, like at nans its winnow the pooh. With not being 100% last night we put it on with bubble guppies. When he seen the tv he had a huge smile, he jumped and flapped in excitement, jumped on his bed and grabbed all his blankies ready. By 9.30 he was sleeping, but on the floor! 


After carefully putting him back in, he woke crying like the night before. He didn’t want to lay down, and at around 2 we had some Nurofen, even that didn’t work the magic of knocking one out! At 4.45 we gave up after the every 15 minutes of crying, and rang prime care. Appointment for 10, so off we go. Whilst waiting think he cried himself to sleep, making most of the check up much easier! He did wake whilst looking in his mouth. 

The doctor can’t see any infection but there’s something not quite right with the little human, he’s crying and he don’t cry, he’s grumping and he don’t really do grumping he’s feeling very sorry for himself. He’s had a 2 hour nap and his temp has gone, he’s just very tired. She did give him antibiotics as said I know him best and know there’s something not right. 

I’m thinking maybe if he’s becoming more aware of things is he aware he’s in a bit of pain, where as before it wouldn’t bother him. So we’ve started giving him the Antibs, if there is an infection we will see a huge improvement after two lots and he’ll be back to himself by the fourth lot. 

It’s still hard not knowing what’s up, or him unable to tell us why he’s crying and or where it hurts. 

Posted in autism

Over tired 

So for the last half hour I’ve screamed and I’ve shouted, ( my neighbours must think I’ve lost it). Z is way over tired, he’s running and trying to climb in the window, trying to bounce on the bed, holding on to the wooden part that goes across, he’s then trying to bounce off the bed, the bit of wood going around the top he’s had his head, he’s fallen and scraped his back on the main bit of wood on the bed. 

All my patience is gone, I’ve tried pinning him down long enough to calm him down. This isn’t even working. He’s just struggling to get out. It’s warm in his room, I’m too scared to leave the window open even though it has a lock on it. 

The more over tired he gets he just sees everything as funny, so a bump to the head, when he’s not tired he will cry, tired and half and half, over tired he giggles. It’s not only quite frightening, for him to not feel pain, it’s hard  as I know that when he does calm down enough he’s going to start crying, as those memories come flooding back so to speak. 

I don’t know what else to try, part of me wants to put him outside on the swing as its dry, but will he expect that every night? Let him run around outside and burn off energy? But he’s got the energy and a little too much right now that it’s dangerous, as in he’ll run down the slide head first and as he’s tired he won’t have the balance he normally does. 

Do I put him in the car and go for a drive? Again would he expect that every night? I’d rather put him in the car, get some petrol and drive, but at 9.30 drive to where? Roll on the end of the summer and light nights, maybe just maybe the winter nights will make him sleep! 

All I can say is it’s draining going to bed the same time as your 3 year old.