Posted in autism

How do I know 

Everyone is roughly three weeks into the start of the new school term. For some these three weeks have been hard adjusting to a new routine, for Z he’s just gotten into it. He’s embracing it, loving it.

How do I know he’s loving it when he can’t actually tell me? I can see it on his face.

 That smile that lights up his little face, the one when I know he’s enjoying something, or when he’s not seen me in a  while, the huge grin when he sees me waiting at the bus for him after school. That smile isn’t just for me, that smile is also for his Lsa’s, I’m guessing that’s the same smile he has when he sees his teacher too. 

The excitement of trying to get off the bus when we get to school, when he knows where he is, and he does a little jump and a flap of his hands. Looks at his Lsa and smiles. I know he’s enjoying school, I know he feels safe. If he didn’t enjoy it or feel safe I’m sure he’d protest at not going. I’d fight with him to get dressed in the morning, I’d fight getting him off the bus, but he don’t fight, he can’t wait to get in. 

When his lsa says, ‘He didn’t want to come out of school today!’, and ‘Bye Z’, when he’s on the bus, that sneaky little smile that says thanks for looking after me today! I know he’s had a good day, I know he’s happy. 

I’m thankful the staff must be doing a good job, they must be looking after him well, when you see posts about non verbal children being tied to chairs it’s a worry when they can’t tell you what they’ve done at school that day. You trust someone to look after your little bundle of joy for six hours. 

I know I’m possibly one of the lucky ones. I’ve not had to carry him in kicking and screaming, not had to walk away listening to him cry. That all helps me know I made the right choice in what school I sent him too. When I seen a video of a nursery class sitting down there must have been 30 children, that would have been torture for Z. With no space on the carpet to move, like a sardine in a tin he wouldn’t have coped! I don’t think I would have seen that smile every day. I don’t think he would have been running into school. 

Don’t you get jealous of the relationship between the lsa and your child? 

No! Well ok maybe a little, but I know if he has a good relationship, that lsa must be nice to him, he’s not going to smile like that at someone who’s not. He’s just not going to bother. I’ve taken him enough places with other people to know that he don’t just trust people instantly it takes time, and not just a few weeks but a few months. Sometimes months later he still don’t bother with some people. He knows people, he knows how to judge people, who to like! We could all take a leaf out of his book! 

Posted in Adults, Wedding

They finally tied the knot! 

So my best mate who I’ve known since 11 finally got married last Saturday.  

I was asked to be bridesmaid, but with me not knowing how Z would react, the fact I hate dressing up and to save her money we came to the agreement I’d just go as a guest! I’m glad 9 months ago I said a guest would be fine. I missed the hen party due to antibiotics and feeling like crap after surgery. I couldn’t even drink at the wedding because I was still in antibiotics 4 weeks after surgery. 

When we went into the church and seen her wave from out side, other than look terrified, she looked great. I’m not one to say how nice wedding dresses are, I had mine £29.99 maxi dress in Tesco! I don’t do dress up, it’s not me, but her dress was a nice wedding dress.  

The morning started off a disaster, I was bloated and everything I tried on I looked like a baby beach whale gasping for air on the sand. Add into the fact that the dressing I have to wear is a fat foam thing it can be seen through most clothes, as I was getting reactions from the others. So thought I’ll paint my nails black and maybe I’ll even add a star or two, to make it look like I actually made an effort! I went to do something and snapped  two. Just painted my thumb nail and the phone rings, before Z could get upset, I got up, tipped the nail polish and forgot I had a wet nail whilst trying to catch the polish, it splashes all over my yellow bag. I could have given up and gone back to bed! Heads to the church and forgot to change my white driving shoes so a quick run back! 

In all fairness Z looked lush! When your taking a little cutie no one looks at the parents! He was very well behaved too. He done me proud in the strange church and  the venue. At one point he ran and G had to run after him before he ended up with the newly weds! 

 In all fairness she  worked hard decorating the room, even managed to get her gothic style top table, she did always say she would get married in black! 

Bit of drama at the reception where mother of the bride ended up at a&e but that’s a different story and not really mine to tell! Make a quick recovery L! 

The first dance was lovely and at the second surprise one I even had a go at the photography, I am confident out of god knows how many I took she’ll be able to save one! But I’m guessing I’ll be told keep to my day job! 

So Mrs LJ H oh, Mrs LJ H, wow all this time I never thought you’d never do it, never thought you’d get him even in a church! 

Was a lovely day, I know your dad would have been so proud of you, he would have sat there with a huge grin on his face the whole time, ( may even have fallen asleep towards the end of the night 😉) then he would have told everyone who would listen that that’s his daughter right there. 

So here’s to many more years together as Mrs LJ H! At least now when he’s doing your head in you know there’s always one Christmas gift you can get…. divorce papers! 

Posted in autism

I’d love not to worry. 

When you get asked to go to a different soft play place on the weekend and I say maybe, chances are no I won’t be there. Yes I feel bad for not going as its a little get together for E’s birthday. But I’ve not been joining in at this said place like Everyone else have been the last few weeks as I’ve had surgery. I’m not fully recovered enough to carry Z, to have to explain Z to strangers. That is why I think I like the safety of the places we normally go. Trying different places with nas is different as everyone is in the same position as I am. 

All children preform, all children have temper tantrums leaving places. But Z may have the ‘temper’ going in. Even though we have been to this soft play before it was over a year ago. From what I can remember he didn’t mind the place he just ran, he didn’t really play on the equipment there just hung about by the door. This was before his diagnosis. When we tried another soft play a few weeks before he broke up for school holidays he didn’t really settle. Was it the noise on the bowling pins at the side or just the sounds of a new soft play, again he didn’t play on the equipment.

Now it’s do I take him Sunday and hope for the best, hope he’s ok and has fun, or upset him and chance it and we have no sleep on Monday night? I won’t be able to carry him. It’s ok to pick him up for a photo, or to help him see something but I wouldn’t be able to carry him out of a soft play place kicking and screaming. We’ve not built up any kind of routine on a weekend yet, think the only thing that has stayed the same is his drum lesson. But this Saturday I’m helping my dad, so won’t be about, this hasn’t affected him before, but after me not being here for surgery who knows what will happen! 

I’m only this week getting off antibiotics for the second time, my stomach has still be weeping after doing too much.

I understand it looks like I’m pulling a fast one, just not turning up. 

To just think how easy it would be to be able to go places and not panic will it be to busy, how will he react, how will other people react when he’s running, the looks you get when you say ‘let’s change your bum’, you have this nearly 4 year old still in nappies not talking you get looked at. He’s too big to be changed on a nappy changing unit, how clean is the floor? Yup, that’s another thing I have to worry about, would you be happy to let you kid lie on the toilet floor? 

Sometimes I’d love to be in that posistion to say yes I’ll be there and really not have to worry about anything. Be able turn up and not worry about how clean the floors are. Not worry about anything. 

But I can’t, I have to worry about these things, Z is mine, I’m the one who talks for him, I’m the one who makes sure the area is safe, I’m the one who knows Z. 

So when an hour is just an hour to some it’s not to Z, imagine hating something so much and being locked in a room with that one thing you hate how long would that hour feel like? 

I’m lucky that he was so good on Saturday when we went to a wedding, he played with his numbers for an hour and half, ate his crisps and played with his iPad. 

 I have three days to make my mind up, J understands if I’m not there. But I suppose that’s why she’s my mate! 

Posted in Review

Steinbeck and shaw 

On Wednesday I was lucky enough to join another four local bloggers at Steinbeck and shaw, in Cardiff . We were invited for a taste of the new menu, both food and cocktails free of charge.  

When I first walked in it reminded me of a bar you’d spend the evening in after a full day snowboarding! I loved the place, took me back to my twenties. 

I loved the waltzer as you walked in, it added a bit of retro! 

We were given five cocktails, one for each of us, as I was on antibiotics and as Cathryn also drove, we had a little taste before the others drank them. 

The cocktails were; 

Passion wagon ( pink and white) 

Coco Bongo, aka holiday in a cup ( one with lid) 

Caipirinha ( small glass under the coco Bongo) 

Disaranno sour ( the next small glass) 

Zombie ( top next to passion wagon) 

My favourite was the disaranno sour, followed by the zombie. Was good that we all had different favourites. 

Cathryn and I had a moctail and  a strawberry milkshake. 

We were all impressed with the drinks. When the food came out, we were stunned! 

There was loads of food, after my allergy tests were still high after keeping off gluten and milk I decided to risk food! I’m glad I did as it was all very nice. 

I liked way they were all in little buckets aimed at sharing. 

We had sweet potato fries, sweet corn, fish, chicken, sticky BBQ chicken wings, onion rings, pulled pork nachos, nachos, veggie burger, and their tasty chips. My favourite were the chips and sweet potato these I could have eaten all night! I could happily sit with a few cocktails and snack on the fries. I enjoyed the fish and the onion rings, I thought the chicken were a little spicy but I’m just weak, no one else thought so! I tasted the lulled pork nachos but I don’t really like pork and BBQ sauce. Corn on the cob always goes down well. 

The motto is ‘Time to pony up’ 

I really enjoyed my evening, it’s lovely to be able to meet up with the girls, have a good chat, and just enjoy the mummie free time. I’m looking forward to a day evening out in Cardiff as this place will certainly be on my places to go. 

Follow our meet up adventures on social media #swmumsmetime

Thanks to stienbeck and shaw for giving me this opportunity to come try the new menu. 

* Prices of new menu will be online soon. 

Posted in Adventures, Days out.

Our places! 

I put up pictures of places where Z often goes. People often ask where these places are. So I thought I would write a few of our favourite places. 

Soft play 

Our local soft play where we go most often is Giddy Kiddies. Now that Z is at school we will try and go after school once a week. There’s a sensory room and Z loves the place. It helps that the staff are lovely! 


We like to go to feed the ducks at Cyfarthyr park . We walk the lake, play in the park, take a train ride, stroll through the woods and on a nice day play in the splash pad!

Another one is Thomastown park. There’s a park and again a nice little walk. 

Brecon Mountain Railway

Z enjoyed the train ride and think I’ll have to take him again! 

Think these are where we get asked most! 

Posted in Uncategorized

First week done

We’re already on Friday, how did that happen? 

I’ve been keeping busy, Monday helped my dad out, Tuesday I had visitors, Wednesday I took my nan shopping. Thursday I went straight for bloods and shopping, it was when I got home and sat down I realised I missed my little guy. So I had diner took the pooch for a walk at the local park and met J, we walked the lake together. 

Today I’ve come home, I’m waiting on my washing to stop, I’ve had my breakfast and I’m bored! Yes, I have loads to do, I could go upstairs and make a start. Think that’s what I’ll end up doing, but I’m missing Z. The little babbling and  the giggles. I miss looking at the window and he’s not there! I’m just left with two missing squares from a line of Lego that he took to school. 

I know who he’ll come home from school it will be cuddle time, just like last night! 

So for now I’ll attempt a tidy up, I still have to take it easy with my stomach not healed, roll on when it is ! 

Posted in school

The day has come; first day at school.

The day has finally arrived, those 42 days went very quickly. 

Today’s the day you start nursery, you’ll get off the school bus and your teacher will be waiting for you. You’ll try to run in, with your new shoes, and your new uniform with ( hopefully) not a mark on it, I’d say holding your bag and lunch box, as if that’s going to happen!  I’m guessing you are not even going to look back, you’ll be excited to be back at school. 

I’ll come home and it will be quiet. I’ll sit and have a coffee, I’ll look at the mess you made before school and attempt to tidy it. I’ll be able to put away your toys without you thinking I’m playing with them and want to take them off me, I’ll be able to tidy one room walk into another tidy that and the room will still be clean when I come back! The first room may even be your bedroom! 

I’ll look at the clock and think, what’s he doing, is he having fun playing in the yard, is he being good at diner time when everyone is eating, then at 1’oclock it’ll be back to normal, in two weeks I should be back at work and I know the next hour and half will fly. I’ll be sitting on the bus waiting for you to walk down, with dirty knees and a great big grin on your face, or you’ll be carried down asleep. 

I know you will have fun, I know you will learn lots and I know you will be happy! 


Not sure how many are staying the same, but I know you’ll look after Z, you’ll have him longer in the day than I will. There’s no more playgroups, or soft play there’s just things to be learnt. Wait until he finds out there’s a pool, you best grow fins and webbed feet! I’ll take this moment to thank you, I know how difficult he can be, how tiring and how much hard work he can be, you have more than one to look after and that can’t be easy. But you do it, you are always happy to see him and happy to put him on the bus! You only have 7 more Monday’s. 

There’s only 7 Monday’s, that’s not long before a holiday! 7 Monday’s of cleaning a room a week , 7 Monday’s of finding something to do without my shadow. I’m sure it’ll be fine, I’m sure I’ll find something to do. 

I’m guessing by Wednesday I may even enjoy the quiet, I won’t know myself, when you’ve been up since 3, or awake most of the night, I’ll be able to lay down and rest my eyes at 10.00, I won’t be able to whinge I’m tired any more. I still will though! 

I hope your first day in nursery goes ok, you enjoy it and have fun. This is the next chapter for both of us, you learning where your place in this big world is, and I’m learning how I go about this next part of my life with you in school! We will get there, quite possibly you before I! At least I know I can be at school within about five minutes!  

Posted in school

School eve 

Tomorrow Z starts school, what will I do without my little guy under my feet? 

I’m lucky I know what to expect from school as he’s been part time for three terms. 

I don’t have any of the nervous feelings towards transport as I know the driver is me, and my escort is good too. I just have the first day nerves of meeting new children. What if they don’t like us? 

I’m sure Z will be happy walking in with the teachers, he’ll be eager to get back in to school. Bet he’s wondering why he’s not been in ages! Other than a new teacher and new children in his class it will be the same, he’ll have fun. 

I know the teachers will look after him, they’ll give him tickles and let him run about outside when he needs it. He’s obviously not used to being there all day so it will be strange for him, but he knows I’ll be there on the bus after school waiting for him with his drink. It’s going to be a new thing for both of us, and I’m sure he’ll have more fun than me! 

Now if I had put him at mainstream I think I’d be nervous, he would have to settle quickly it’s nursery now, some serious learning has to go on! Yet again I know I’ve made the correct choice in school. He’s lucky enough to go swimming, to jump in puddles, to play and explore. 

So tonight Z, as your uniform is ironed, your bag is packed, it’ll come home with your home link tomorrow, your pack lunch is sorted, you have new trainers for school, your teachers will thank me that this time they are Velcro! You’ve been bathed, fed and watered, now you just need sleep. My alarm is all set. In theory when you wake you’ll be ready for your new adventure, one where I won’t be there to catch your hand, to watch what your doing, to take you to new places, that will be on you now. I know you will be fine, you will thrive in full time school. You will continue to wrap everyone around your little finger with your babbling, the shake of your head to say no, and that cheeky smile. Wait till they hear you say ‘George’ I’m sure they’ll use that to their full advantage and before long you’ll be chatting away.  

Now we start our new chapter, I’m excited to see where it leads! 

Posted in Adventures, friends

Thank you for the last three years! 

Friends, as I’ve mentioned before I have some amazing  Friends, with the new school year fast approaching I wanted to give a thank you! 

It’s been mainly the four of us for the last two years easily, when I first started at playgroups there were I’d say about ten of us, this quickly dwindled, I suppose a big group of pms ladies, not everyone will get on and agree with everyone! Others started new things in their life, made other friends and like me stopped going to playgroups when others stopped to look, I’m lucky I had the excuse portage was coming! 

But, us four have continued to stay friends, we’ve added a new little one to the group and its been lovely to watch him grow! 

We’ve had some great times, we’ve had some laughs, with and with out the kids! 

We’ve been places, we’ve seen things and it’s been way more fun than I could ever have imagined. You’ve all been there for me when on my struggling days, you’ve given me coffee and vodka. You’ve have Z for me to work, and opened up your houses to a wild child. You’ve supported me on walks and my wild ideas! 

Each child has shown love to Z, never judged him for being different, just accepted him for who he is. D and K who are older have been great, they’ve chased him for me they’ve taken him on rides that I would never have dogged on, so he could join in, and they’ve made sure he can’t get out and they’ve kept an eye on him so he don’t run away, it’s always better to have six eyes on him than two. 

Over the years we’ve had photos taken, we’ve visited margam park, the beach, we’ve gone for breakfast and lunch! We’ve closed the pool, ok that was Z, but it was much more fun with you guys there! We’ve been on train rides, and gone to the park. We took over soft play, and restaurants! We’ve been to open days and seen Santa.  We’ve had parties and gone shopping. In three years this don’t sound a lot, but we’ve had fun. The kids have had fun and us as adults have had fun. Without you guys it would have been a long three years, and I’m sure boring. Z wouldn’t have done half the things he’s done and enjoyed without you. 

Now as the children start their new journey onto school, I know they’ll be part time and Z will be full time but I hope that after school we can meet, can head to the park before winter comes, we can meet up on the weekend, or even just meet for coffee minus kids. Thursday afternoon is good for me! 

making memories
Just a few pictures of all the memories we’ve made from 2015-2016. So thank you H and P, J and E and T and the girls     ( D,K and LJ) and baby T for some wonderful memories. Here’s to the next chapter and making some more memories!