Posted in autism

How to be a crappy parent

I think this week and lack of sleep Z has officially tried to kill me off. 

Last Sunday night he woke at 10.20 didn’t go back to sleep until 4.45 and were up at 7 for work. Yes, I sent him to school. Monday afternoon he came out with spots. Had him at the doctors, doctor said it was viral and he was fine, the cold weather was making his face chap, bacteria was entering and those few spots were the answer. 

That’s how the first part of my week went, I was tired and snappy. Z who was also tired was grumpy but was happy to scream when going to bed. 

By Wednesday I just wanted to sleep, I was so tired I was cold, I’m never cold! I called it a night at 5pm. Z woke through out the night how I crawled my way into his room I’m not sure! I knew I had a temperature, my eyes stang and I was dizzy standing up and looking around. Think it may have been my first sick day for me being sick. I couldn’t drive myself never mind kids! 

Z went to school I went back to bed where I stayed, my throat was sore I didn’t drink just slept. I think in 24 hours I got in 19 hours of sleep. I didn’t really see Z, just left his gate open so he could run in which he did. Friday I was at the doctors and had antibiotics for an inner ear infection, my throat had swollen, high temp of nearly 40, high heart rate and showing first signs of dehydration. So I drank some liquid and tried watching tv I made an hour and went back to bed and again I slept.  

Saturday night Z decided he wasn’t sleeping it was 10.00 he was kicking off, crying screaming and throwing a fit, what did I do just shout. The poor kid hadn’t really seen me, I wasn’t there taking him to school or picking him up and I screamed at him to get to bed. He cried, I cried, I felt guilty. So I went in and he came and slept in bed with me. 

We woke and went to soft play, I was safe taking him there he couldn’t run away from me or do any damage. We’ve had a good day. 

Bedtime and the worst meltdown I think we’ve had. He kicked,he screamed, he attacked, he threw himself about. I was worried he was going to miss the mattress and catch his face on the bed, or miss the bed altogether and hit the floor, I managed to get him on the bed with his blankie, using my weight to hold him sitting up to calm him enough to lay him down and apply pressure within five minutes he was asleep. 


Until, 2am when he woke, ran into spare room, dad went too then he came to me, I think he would have gone but some idiots dragged the police helicopter out, it’s finally gone after nearly 2 hours. I gave up and out Z into his room, he cried. Then he got over his bed and into window, I shouted and I hit his hand. I don’t hit him, I may scream like a banshee ( then feel guilty) but I don’t hit him. I’ve tried tapping his hand before it didn’t work I didn’t try again. Tonight was a little harder he said ow and cried, now yet again I’m feeling guilty. I’m tired, I have a headache, my neck still hurts, if it were just me I’d still be in bed getting better but it’s not, my son needs me. I know that’s not an excuse for hitting his hand, what happens if he fell and hit his head on the bed? Thought the blind had stopped him getting into the window, it hasn’t so tomorrow the guard will have to go up. But I need to get better In order to care for him safely, when I’m down things don’t get done. The husband don’t drive, he can’t go and do a food shop, he don’t think of doing a wash, he thinks Z’s clothes are an unlimited supply, and I’m sure he thinks the fairies come to clean! 

It’s 4.20 Z is still awake, I had to stay up till 10.30 for my antibiotics so I’m saying I was sleeping by 11 so 3 hours sleep maybe 2 more when he finally goes. There’s only so long anyone can go on like that for before crashing like I have, but how many times do you get to crash? 

Author:

first time mother, first time blogger

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