Posted in autism

I am me 

There’s a few posts out there saying about how they hate autism. Many are from parents. 

There’s days I can relate, I’m not going to lie it’s not always rainbows and butterflies, ok it’s very rarely rainbows and butterflies it’s mostly thunderstorms and dragons. The lack of sleep, the no speech,the constant game of guess what, the not being able to go somewhere different or a spontaneous evening out, the daily struggles of things so simple like changing a nappy and everything else you can not think of or would think you wouldn’t have to think of but I have to. 

You get days when you hate autism, when you ask yourself why me? Yea why me not why him, wonder why that is? Maybe because he’s happy? Maybe because he doesn’t have any expectations and he is who he is or maybe you’re just going through that pity party for one. That pity party is never just for one there’s always someone in the same place as you. As soon as that stage passes yes there will be others but they will pass. That’s when those days turn into rainbows and butterflies. 

Autism, I don’t hate who or what it makes Z, autism doesn’t make him who he is it’s a part of him. I like to look for the positives there’s always too many posts about the negative side of autism, why, most probably because that’s all you ever get judged on as a parent, oh what he’s nearly 5 still can’t talk and still in nappies, yup, that’s some of the bad side. Yes, he may have one huge tantrum (most likely a meltdown but never saying it’s not a tantrum) as you try walking into the shop but most kids do, autism or not all kids do that at some point. 

So what do I like about autism? 

I like the fact that most parents are complaining about their children playing up, lying, not listening and just generally being children, learning about the world and where they fit in, consequences and cause and effect. I’m not getting any of that with Z! Ok maybe because he’s not talking or maybe the autism is helping him listen. There’s rules and possibly he don’t want to break them. Taking things literal?   He’s learning in his own way, not the way the education department wants him to learn. He listens, as he understands the word no, and I know he knows that word he knows the word no and that when it’s mentioned I mean no, ok don’t think he can rationalise that it’s for a reason but who knows. Same as my when it’s time to go, I say Z shoes he knows he puts shoes on to leave, he listens. I could say it’s all me I’m that amazing parent who knows what she’s doing but you know what nope, that’s not true. That’s on Z he’s learning in his own way finding his own way, learning that his own actions have consequences . 

How clever he is, ok again that could just be him, he could again just follow in his mams footsteps, and yup that’s not on me either! He sees patterns, he notices things that others don’t and he thinks about things, you can just see those little cogs working. 

I’d say I love the fact that he has no fear, but this one he does follow his Mam for that was me as a kid! I’d jump off anything. Maybe that’s an autism thing maybe it’s genetics! 

You see where I’m going with this? Autism doesn’t make Z, Z makes himself. Ok he may struggle with things and hopefully with the correct support in place he’ll learn to not struggle as much, I’d say not struggle but he will always struggle with certain things. 

Z is Z I suppose autism adds something to him but he his him. Not the boy down the road who didn’t speak till 8, not the guy who could give you any day from a date, he’s him. He don’t have any magical powers, oh he has autism what is he clever at? Really?! 

Why does society insist on making people something? He’s the same as the kid down the road the same age, he has ten fingers ten toes, a head, two eyes, yes he has the same as you and I. The only difference is he sees the world a different way, he learns in his own unique way, and that is the part of autism I love. 

Author:

first time mother, first time blogger

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