Posted in autism

I didn’t choose this way of life 

I’ve just read a book. About a family with an autistic son. Who have to go to court to get him a place at a boarding school, as they feel that the local school can’t meet his needs. What the books wants you to read and take away is autism tore that family apart. No, autism didn’t you as parents did. 

As a mother of a child with autism, who at 4.5 is still preverbal and in nappies there are not any days that go by without me thinking of Z’s future. When discussing schools I was told don’t look to the future look at now. I couldn’t do that, not for me but for Z. What if I looked at the now and said oh well he’s not that much different from the others, they’ll still have accidents, they can’t read and write let’s send him to preschool. Oh I’d be in a completely different place right now. 

As it is I don’t have a crystal ball I don’t know what’s coming next, sometimes I really wish I did but then knowing if he’d never talk or come out of nappies would that be a good thing? Don’t holfing out for hope help? 

I do know for one thing I’d never give Z away, ok sometimes the idea of handing him over is well an idea as I’d never do it. My argument is I wanted him, I may have not wanted the autism that comes alongside with it but who does, so he’s mine to look after. Sometimes he’s challenging, and yes it can be embarrassing when out in public, but he’s still mine and I still wouldn’t give him away. 

What’s that teaching him? That’s he’s broken? That he’s not worth my attention? That because he’s challenging I don’t want him? That he’s not what society call normal so I’ll send him away? 

In this book the kid went to a school with green grass, forrests, a pool and horse riding only about 50 kids and 200 staff, but those staff are not his parents.  I’d rather spend that money that went to fight for him to buy a house in the countryside and buy him a horse, and build a pool. Even if it meant employing a few teachers! 

I’m lucky at the moment Z doesn’t smear, if he done that well then I don’t know how I’d manage, I still prefer poo over snobs any day! But I’d still like to think that I’d never want to get rid of him. 

It’s hard enough that he can’t tell me what’s happening in school, I trust them 100% I suppose you have to trust the person who’s watching the most precious thing to you if you didn’t then there would be no school! I take him I pick him up, some might say well that’s because you’re the bus driver, if I wasn’t I would take him in the car and collect him in the car, I think the parent / teacher rapport is so important, imagine boarding school when you only saw them during holidays. I also understand that for some it’s not possible to be at two schools at the same time. So what may work for me won’t be what works for others.

Not sure where I’m heading with this, it’s late and I’m tired, but that’s what having children does to you, they make you work 24 hours a day 7 days a week, there are no holidays . That’s the choice you make when you decide you want children. 

When I decided I wanted children I always said I was going to go places, see places, do things. Yes, I’m not going to lie autism chucked a spanner in that work but we adapt, we have to adapt. It’s hard always looking for things that maybe other parents take for granted. But I do it, because I wanted him, 

I’d say autism may cause arguments and it may put the husband in the spare room! But again I’d say that’s just a child thing anyways. 

I do know for certain that having a child with autism has taught me much more than I would have ever expected. Now I appreciate those small things that others take for granted, from listening to a simple instruction to copying a movement. 

It doesn’t stop me worrying about Z’s future I think all parents do, I can put him in boarding school till 19 then what happens I’m not going to have any idea how to care for a 19 year old. As it is I’ll take each day as it comes and I’ll fight each battle when I have to.  

Author:

first time mother, first time blogger

4 thoughts on “I didn’t choose this way of life 

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