Posted in autism

Who or what makes a child? 

When I see the progress in Z I’m filled with a sense of accomplishment, not being big headed but a lot of people tell me I’m a good parent, but that’s not all down to me.

First off if I was a single parent I’d be way in over my head, and quite possibly a alcoholic! I don’t ask for help, I feel that being an ivf baby I wanted him there fore he’s my responsibility, the same way if I ever defrosted the others, again I’d want them why should I ask others to watch them?! Having the husband home I can just head out if that’s shopping or for coffee I can do it. I’m not dumping Z on anyone. He’s spending time with his dad! My sister don’t live local, so really the only family he knows are my parents and my nan. He knows his other nan but wouldn’t stay with her, she really wouldn’t know how to handle him. 

If it wasn’t for my parents I wouldn’t be able to go out with the husband if I needed too! So say weddings they’ll have Z at theirs so I’m not on a time limit to get back for the babysitter. If any thing happened to us I know he’s happy at my parents, he’s used to staying there. Maybe this is why I may need to get someone in for respite, just another person who he will trust incase me and my parents all need to be someplace the same time. What with dad then being in work where would Z go? 

They are a big part of Z’s life, I’m lucky he his a grandparents to make memories with the same as I did. 

There are people who’s helped Z become who he is at 4 years of age too. Other than my mates, J and E being big roles here everyone just accepts Z, accepts he’s different and that’s good. We have the Health visitor who provided us with portage, who showed Z how to get ready for school. How to sit and finish an activity. How to engage with another person. How to play.                                                                         We had the staff at crèche who helped him to learn what was going to become of his life for the next few years at school! Other children, sharing, learning how to play.                       We had his teachers that’s been with him the last two years, the ones that had taught him the skills he currently has, how to copy being a huge one.  How to stay safe in the pool, learn to tolerate people eating around him and to follow commands.  I’m sure he he does a lot more in school than I’ll ever know parents evening is only a ten minute session.                                  

Then we have other parents going through the same as myself. Who go out on day trips, who meet at soft play and just get it. Get how difficult it can be. Laugh at each other, hand the cocktails out when they are needed! 

These are the people who’s helped Z till now and there’ll be many more! More recently it’s been B and B, accompanying me on days out, making Z look easy and making me laugh.  Oh if you can’t laugh at someone else who’s laughing at themselves you need someone like B and B they will make you laugh! As wrong as it may sound B helps Z with boundaries when he’s attempting to attack him I’m screaming like a loony and B is just taken it all in his stride, there’s no crying and he goes back for more, which isn’t a good thing. But with them both being that little bit more rough and B being a year older than Z I don’t worry as much as I would if he went to attack E as she’s still a lot smaller than him. Like the other day when B wouldn’t move, so with mams permission I picked him up to put him in the car, Z had patiently waited , B was fuming with me moving him and tried attacking me mams shouting at him and before we know it Z is half out of the seat for B by the hair and I’m shouting at Z B has left me alone and me and Mam are laughing. Like I say if we don’t laugh can you imagine the looks we got that day? Or any day to be fair! It’s always easier to laugh it out with someone else that’s going through it. 

They do play nice too!

When you have a child with any additional needs it really is an eye opener, you join groups to chat to people then you realise how lucky you really are, in regards to things like his health. You learn that there’s so many things the professionals don’t tell you! They don’t tell you oh autism, they are likely to bolt, to smear, to never sleep, to never talk, to never listen, to be able to climb and escape anything,  to always want their own way and that’s some of them! Like I say I feel so lucky with Z, he’s quite easy going compared to others we bother with! In our little school group we have runners and climbers and smear loving ones! That’s when I think I’d be quitting, that I don’t think I could deal with! 

So just because I’m Z’s Mam I’m not the only one who’s made Z into the loving, clever number loving guy he is, that’s down to everyone who’s spent time with him and worked alongside him these last four years. 

Author:

first time mother, first time blogger

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