Posted in autism, friends

Friends and autism

Friends.

I’d say Z don’t have friends as he prefers to play alone but I think that wouldn’t be the truth.

Since he was small it’s been the same, but he’s always taken to one out of the girls at playgroup. Him and E, they always had a bond, maybe it’s drifting away the older they get, when differences are noticeable, E wants to play games, chase and chat, that’s not Z, he likes to run and jump. She will still follow Z around when it’s just them two together, she watches, she observes, she copies him. Maybe when Z learns to use his words E will be that little older and the friendship will return to how it once was. She still says Z is her best friend, and will introduce him to her other friends.

All the children he spent many hours with before school all ask about Z so he has friends who look out for him and accept him even if it’s kind of a one way friendship for now! They know Z is different and they’ve never really questioned it just accepted it. Some will sort of mother him, which is so funny to watch.

Lately, since being in school and I as a parent has spent more time with other parents all in the same position as me, I’ve noticed that Z does play. Not like the children we went to playgroup with, they play. Z, B and G watch one another, they smile at one another they accept one another. They play in a unique way, similar to that of young children at that Parallel play stage. They chase one another maybe not realising that children play the game tag in the same way but the boys don’t play tag, when one has enough they just walk away and get on with something else. Just recently I watched Z play a game with G, to us it was like cat and mouse, to them it was fun, Z would run and G would attempt to push him off. There was no nastiness in being pushed, Z laughed, and carried on. They were laughing, the we’re looking at one another, this was two children with autism playing.

Where as Z and B play, it’s more rough and tumble, both appreciating the sensory feedback they get by being touched by one another, by being laid on or climbed over. Both laughing and just kind of accepting what the other one needs, and when enough is enough I love how they both walk their separate ways!

I never thought Z would have any friends, he’s never shown any interest in children as children, now he’s starting to watch them, take notice in them and engage with them, which as a parent shows me that maybe Just maybe he is capable of making friends.

Blog was originally written for family fund.

Author:

first time mother, first time blogger

4 thoughts on “Friends and autism

  1. Similar with my girl in a way. The other children were friends to her, but not with her is that makes sense. As in, they were all lovely, but our girl just couldn’t play and interact with them in the same way they do with each other. It’s one of the things she has found hardest, as she wants friends, but she can’t change who she is x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When my eldest was young I had a friend with children the same age and her son was friends with my son. As my son grew up and became more different to his peers he found making friends really difficult, but this one lad stuck by him and spent time with him whenever he could. Even when he got to the awkward teenage phase he would still make time for my son, even if it was just to play video games with him. Sadly they are both grown up now and the other boy is married with children and I realise that he was the only friend my son ever had. I’m glad your son seems to be getting on with others though, there are ways to interact and even if you think he’s not happy without friends I’m sure that he is happy in his own way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s going to be hard when they grow up and go their separate ways. It’s awful knowing there are people out there with no friends. I know he’s happy it’s just really hard to watch others his age and him being so different.

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