Every night I have the sleep performance the screaming the bed refusal the hysterical sobbing this has been going on now for 40 minutes tonight but we’re into week two.
I’m shouting I’m sure people shopping in Tesco are scrambling to get into bed, and I live like two miles from a Tesco. I’m sure my neighbours must dread bed time, the screaming then silence. It’s horrible. We’ve tried letting him have the tv on yes sometimes it works he’ll go to sleep whilst watching it. Tonight he was over tired and wild he’s always wild when over tired, like trying to climb the wardrobe. I’m not sure even what he jumped off onto his bean bag and split it, yes there’s 100’s of those white balls everywhere to add to everything he tipped up.
Z is bright red from crying and kicking the bed. He’s trying to climb everything to push things off to throw anything he can get his hands on, trying to hit me push me out of the room. Trying to line books up on his bed so he can’t get on it.
Tonight I shouted way worse than I ever have. I threw his books out of the room I hit the wall in temper ( thankfully it was the stone wall and not plasterboard!) ouch!! there’s only so much of a strong 5 year old hitting you and in meltdown mode he seems even stronger. It hurts. I know I have many a bruise from Z’s outbursts. I know he can’t help it but he’s 5 what am I going to do when he’s older. He’s pushed everything off his shelf, I know the older he gets the less will be in his room so I won’t have the mess to clean up everyday. It’s mentally and physically draining for the both of us. Me constantly telling him it’s bed time, Z repeating bed time but then screaming as if he’s all of a sudden terrified of his room that he’s happily played in for the last hour.
For his own safety he was trying to get the tv off the wall at one point, I had to wrap him in his quilt and lay on him oh I took a battering he freed his legs and arms,he pulled hair, he kicked and he screamed. Two minutes later if that I could just feel the relief leave him, laying at the side of him tickling his back listening to him cry then the random words with ‘I love you mummy’, brings on all the guilt out that I’ve just shouted at him.
The late nights the early mornings they are exhausting, 10.30 bed is later that what I’m used to. The 5am wake ups if going to sleep at 7 even 8 I’d cope with but 6.5 hours sleep he can’t keep that up. He’ll kill me.
I’m trying not to shout at him more so as when he’s jumping back into bed he’s covering his ears knowing I’m going to shout at him. It’s hard work it’s endless tidying from 4-8.30 or so he makes a mess down stairs then goes upstairs all I seem to do is clean up the same things everyday.
He’s snoring oblivious to everything he’ll wake up and come running in for a cwtch hopefully at 7 and not 5.
Somedays I really do hate what autism brings. Just makes something so straightforward such hard work