Posted in ivf


Today I should have seen you for the first time.

Two of you maybe one.

Today will be a little empty, being places I was not meant to be.

Last night I dreamt that I was in the scan room, Z running around with me. I saw your flashing heart beat and you wiggling away.

My body maybe over it physically, mentally I don’t think I’m quite there.

I like to think this was your way of saying you’re ok, you’re free, you are with all your brothers as sisters that didn’t make it to the frozen stage where each of them continued to grow in the spirit world.

Family, nobody gets left behind or forgotten x

I know there’s things I have to do. I was rang to ask to meet a consultant, when asked why it was to do with a treatment plan. There’s no treatment plan there are no more. Then it was to make sure you’re ok. Surely I should have been rang to ask was I ok and did I need to talk? Is there a time frame to be ok? Will I ever really get over it? Speak to anyone and they have always remembered the heartache of loosing a baby. If that was last year 20 years ago or even more so I’m guessing it’s something that sticks with you until the day you die.

Of course there’s going to be times when I’ll think I should be here or doing this. But as a person you adapt, you don’t put those emotions out there wearing them like you wear your clothes. Ok I may be quiet but everyone can have a quiet day right.

Yes I’m still quiet over here. I have a few posts half written, ready to finish to publish and then we’ll back to normal. What ever our new normal is!


first time mother, first time blogger

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