Autism. What does the word mean to me? To me it’s somebody who likes routine and likes certain things, or does certain things. But is that all there is? I’ve started a new chapter in my life and I’m sure I’ll find the answers.
Today Z had his appointment, the one that had been cancelled before. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I didn’t really know what to expect, questions and maybe someone observing Z. I knew that he couldn’t be diagnosed at a first appointment. S portage came, and I have to say, I’m really lucky that Z and I got put with her, coz she is fab, I’m scared of the day when we have to say bye, she’s so good with Z and he likes her too. She’s the only one he’s ever cried after. Today he walked into the room catching her hand, he came out catching mine, he looked behind him, she wasn’t there he cried! I could go on about how fab our portage worker is but think I’ll get back on to my topic! So I got asked numerous questions, eating, sleeping and playing. The social side is where we struggle, other than communication. Z don’t talk, I think he’s starting to grasp that communication is a two way deal, I hope one day he’ll get there. His playing isn’t like a typical 2.5 year old playing, if he plays things get lined up, or sorted. The toy is what it is, a toy. The watering can can’t be used to make tea, it’s for watering flowers!
I got asked what I thought was the problem with Z, when I replied autism, she kind of agreed, the same as all the professionals that’s seen him. Now he waits to see the education pyscologist and we go from there. At the moment it’s suspected autism.
I’ve had a lot of people ask me how I’m feeling. I’m ok, no different to yesterday to be honest. Maybe relieved that I’ll get the help he needs. I’m glad that I’ll get help in what’s the best school for him now.  Maybe it’ll hit me in a few weeks, months or even years. When other children are doing things that maybe Z can’t or won’t do. When other children are growing up, going out and doing what children do, will Z want to do these things.
Z is Z and will always be Z, if he didn’t have his quirky little ways, well then, he wouldn’t be Z. I still love him like I did the day I found out the embryo had stuck. I’m glad that I was right. Not on the lines of see I told you, on the way of mothers intuition is very much real.
I’m looking forward to the future, my family and my mates have been incredible. NAS M have also been fantastic, there’s some wonderful people I’ve met on this journey in a few short weeks. So to see who I’ve met and whose been so helpful to me give me the motivation to go on. To believe anything is possible. I know with these people in my life I’ll make it. They are all the other end of a phone even the portage worker, who I believe today went above and beyond what is expected of her! So a huge thank you to everyone!

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