I’m guessing after this last year changes are hard work for everyone. We’ve all struggled with the changes, what we can do and when we can do it. Being told what to do.

When Z’s behaviour started to change I had no idea why. None. So many issues were looked at, I blamed everything and anyone lots of changes.

Until I found ABA. This was what was happening at school. I’ve never liked it, always said it’s like dog training.

Let’s take all Z’s favourite things and remove them. Now you have to do as I say in order to get them back. When Z needs those favourite things to help calm him and keep things all the same in his world they are removed. Now what do you want? As his paired person in ABA they would build up all his trust and then get him to conform to get what he wanted.

When Z is upset now ask him what he wants. He will reply, I want blocks, I want bikes, I want building blocks, I want, I want, I want. All of the things he enjoyed at school that was used for reinforcement. No he doesn’t know what he wants he’s saying what he thinks you want him to want, he’s complying.

But that’s ok, because as society he’ll eventually learn to comply, learn to do just what everyone wants him to do. Use your words, look at me, listening time, calm hands. All of the things society thinks he should be.

As his parent it’s my job to enable my son is happy, healthy and be the person he wants to be. If that means he doesn’t look at me when I’m talking that’s fine it doesn’t mean he’s not listening you don’t need eyes to listen. I’ll ask him can he use his words. Or I’ll hand him notes in my phone he has the option of typing, or ask can I use his phone depending on his mood he’ll hand it over. If he wants to flap around a shop or spin around as long as he’s safe that’s fine.

It’s my job to give him what he needs to say no. No I don’t want to do that today. We all say no but for Z he isn’t allowed. Why?

Who are we to remove words that he’s allowed to use? Or give him a target of how many words he needs to use today.

Why are we trying to change Z? Just because he does things that society doesn’t accept?

Why are we removing everything that makes his world safe?

I listened to the professionals and removed things, took away things such as his phone. Of course there’s guilt for doing those things now.

Today I was told he’s being put forward for a communication device. We’re working on different apps on his phone. For me it’s like learning a whole new language .

I’m sure we will get there. It maybe a long road but giving him means of communicating and listening to him has to be for the best.

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