Friendships

Friends they are funny little things right!

Autism and friends are even funnier.

I’ve said many times I have a great group of friends. Some enter quickly some leave just as fast! Those are just mine! The ones that stay around are the good ones. Even now at 35 I’m still learning about friendships.

I don’t know about Z’s friends in school, he may go through phases I know he recognises his class mates and he watches them. If I’m still learning at 35 at 6 this is still so new to him. He has to understand emotions, social skills have to develop and he has to learn how to behave. This has all got to be taught to him. Where as other children of 6 have worked out most of this.

Then there’s E, at 5 she gets Z, she is his friend. She watches out for him and keeps an eye on him in busy places. She understands sometimes we may have to leave, at 5 she may not like it but she’s never held Z accountable for that. She’s learnt that there’s some foods like crisps she can’t eat with Z around and again she just accepts that the same as she accepts 2 comes after 1! When Z won’t share ( we’re working on this) or he’s on one she doesn’t cry about it, she shares her stuff, or she’ll move away from him. When they run around he looks at her, he watches her, he smiles at her. She never laughs at him when he’s having a meltdown, again at 5 I’m not sure she fully understand this but she tries.

So why if a 5 year old accepts this do some adults still struggle? Still judge the parent of the child who’s in meltdown mode?

I think I’ve been lucky In choosing my friends. Some are still there from before Z most are after Z and some are very new but they all get Z, they understand Z and for that I couldn’t be any luckier.

If I have to try and teach Z about friendships I’ll be the first to admit I wouldn’t know where to start, how do you teach that? Z still only takes to certain people he always has, I can’t make him like you he has to do that all by himself, but when he does like you you’ll know it. Maybe he’ll not make a friend in his class like his friendship with E, there’s not many to choose from?!

There’s been two children I’d say who Z has taken to and tolerated from the start, E being one of them another in crèche when he was little. Maybe deep down he knows that you really only need a few ?

B isn’t in his class, I don’t say they play as in typical ways but it’s funny to watch because it’s as if both know what the other wants even though they both do not use spoken language. How they’ve picked that up I’m guessing well never know!