Today I got asked was Z attending the open day for nursery, I said he’s no longer going to attend that school. She said she thinks I’ve made the right choice as its a big class of around 30. Z would struggle, he would get lost in the system. He would just want to run in the open space of the nursery. With 30 bodies that isn’t possible! When the words had left my mouth, even though I had been saying it for many weeks, I was gutted. Gutted for the things that were kind of planned, like I’ll never have the chance to walk him to school, or he’ll not have the chance to walk to school by himself with his buddies. I won’t be able to stand and wave him off like my mother done for me. Gutted for the I’ll see my mates children attend and do things and think that Z should have been with them. 
I drove away and thought I if I didn’t pull it together I may actually shred a tear. It was final. 
 In less than 5 minutes those tears that threatened to appear were quickly lost to excitement. The excitement of, now the possibilities for Z are endless. With a small class of around 6, he can grow. He can grow up to become any thing he wants to. He will have the correct support, he will have help he will need that he wouldn’t have gotten in mainstream. 
 School will finish in 3 weeks time, I will treasure this time with Z, when he can still be taken places, I will look forward to the summer holidays knowing I may only have that one last term until he goes to school, and will hopefully grow loads and become a pleasure like another young boy I’ve recently met. 
 So from now on the ‘gutted’ feeling, and the continuing question of my final decision can be replaced by excitement!