Hopes and dreams

In a few weeks you’ll be six.

This time six years ago I had dreams and expectations one big one was going to express and you were going to be breastfed.

This time five years ago you were signed up to school.

This time four years ago I was still expecting you to do things maybe overnight talk and point.

This time three years ago I didn’t have any expectations any hopes and dreams, I didn’t know how you were even going to cope in this world. Never mind in school.

I think that’s when I stopped thinking of the future, when you were three, the expectations were gone. You wouldn’t be heading out with my mates children who would be your school friends. You wouldn’t be doing any of the things I’d expected you to do when you were one. You’d be going to a special school where I didn’t know anything about your classmates . We would just get through one day at a time.

My hopes and dreams changed for you that first day at special school. I just hopped you’d make one friend.

Now at nearly six my hopes and dreams are different from my friends, of course we all share that same worry, but for them living an independent life should come easy for you it won’t, we have to work on everything.

How my hopes and dream differ from others of A child nearly six years old are things like will you ever be able to communicate clearly? Will you keep your friends you have now? Will you be able to live independently. Will your friends still look out for you when you’re older and possibly still struggling? I hope you do well at school, and find something that you love to do.

You amaze me every day, to do things that others just sail through, things like eating a banana. You pick it up , you ask for it to be opened ,you say yum whilst pretending to eat it, but you can’t quite eat it. You’ve made so much progress in a short space of time, the worry of will you always be in nappies is starting to leave my mind, I’m confident enough that you can read so you’d be ok reading your way through life. You go about day to day things quite well, yes, things all get too much and that’s when you explode, these meltdowns are getting less and less further and further apart, they seem more explosive when they do happen but we cant have it all ways.

If you continue the way you are going I’m sure in another six years I’ll look back and my hopes and dreams will be different again . Hopefully then you would have been able to eat that banana, the fears you so obviously have would be gone.