Last night I went to an autism talk, I’ve done autism awareness courses, and touched up on it in the work environment, last night was so different, was very interesting. I’m glad I put Z’s needs before mine and text the one lady. Wasn’t my best text I’ll admit but I wasn’t myself that week!
So I went to a coffee morning, I took Z we met everyone. I went to a talk and even done my first aid this morning. All thanks to one text. I have to say, I’m glad I did it.
Now though, it’s do I go back to what was my routine, with Z and playgroups, where sometimes I feel like I get judged by others, or stick to the coffee with the parents who I know are not going to judge me and are, or have been through all of this. Who all offer advice and input, I don’t want to loose the playgroup girls as they have all been fab and been there for Z and myself. But, is it time to try something new? What’s best for Z? Stick to the people he knows? The last few times in playgroup he’s been trying to squeeze behind things, is this him ‘hiding’, looking for his safe place? Is it too busy there? Will a quiet coffee morning be better for him? But for the  social side of it, if there are no other children in a coffee morning is this bad?
There’s so much to think, I have to do what’s best for Z, he gets the social interaction in creche, is spending all day everyday with a group of children who he may not even like, better for him? Will it be better for me, to get to know this new group who can help, who have been through it, will understand me and my emotions alongside it. In theory, we’ve always been told a happy child equals a happy parent, does this work both ways? If I’m stressed I’m sure Z senses it, if I’m happy he’s happy. Sometimes I wish I could shake the crystal ball and it would tell me yes or no, and I wouldn’t have too choose.
I do know one thing though, in that what I choose to do, Z will be happy, and I’m sure I won’t loose the playgroup girls, I’m sure they’ll let Z and I go to play in the holidays!

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