Life as we knew it is still very different.

I went out yesterday for the first time since we were locked down, it made it real, it’s really strange out there. Quiet roads, no one about, just the few people getting what they need.

Online there’s lots of people worried, that’s ok right? This is something we can not control, we don’t know when everything is going to be alright. It’s like we’re all grieving for our old lives.

The uncertainty of everything, will everyone I know make it? Will everything be ok? Will I still have my job? Will I be able to get the food I need? Will my holiday still go ahead? I’ve seen some horrible comments online when some of these questions have been asked, I’m not going to lie I’m worried about my holiday. This is our first family holiday don’t I have to right to worry about it? Yes in the grand scheme of things it’s only a holiday, but it’s something we planned it’s something we were looking forward to the same as everyone else.

Yesterday reality hit, Z hasn’t been out in over a week, I wanted to kill my husband, the dog scrambling about annoyed me and lack of sleep mixed with pms made it too much.

Before bed last night I thought of how lucky I am.

I have a house. I have a garden for Z to run about in. I have the hot tub area. I have the internet for him to look at his iPad. I have food in my house to eat. I have it good, all I’m being asked is to stay indoors.

It could be at a time when I was going through ivf, the time I was going through Z’s autism diagnosis it could have been the time I was going through my loss.

At this time it’s not me, but there are people out there that are going through some of those things. Others would give anything to be locked inside with a wanted child, or with food in their fridge.

Let today be your down day, go to bed and wake up thankful for the small things you do have.

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