I rang school to see if Z could have a place today.

I can give him all the sensory things he needs, can supply him with flour, rice, water, I can give him different swings for his sensory needs, a weighted blanket, a light up bath, a drive in the car but I cannot give him people and right now that’s what he wants.

ID head of small boy in a bath with blue lights and glow sticks

That’s what he needs.

He can see school on circle time, he can see some children and all day yesterday he kept requesting school.

How do I even start ? I can say no school yet but he can see school 😔

How bad does it feel when Its like I can’t meet the needs of my child? What long term damage is the change in sleep patterns doing to him? One day he’s not going to sleep until 2:45 the next we’re starting the day at 12:15.

I’m applying after half term, I’m not sure if it’s going to be good or bad, will he be better or worse from going one day a week and not having his friends in class or even his teacher or 1:1? But I have to try, I have to give it a go for his health. The deputy has said she’ll try and rota him to a staff member he knows and possibly a child from his class. That I’m thankful for.

Like many children he’s starting to suffer, I can’t risk going to the stage we got to last summer when he wouldn’t leave the house. Right now he’s still happy going to nan and Grampa’s and that’s the only other 4 walls he sees. There’s no respite there’s no where to go. The good they done with getting him back out possibly gone. It’s not fair on Z and I get many children are starting to retreat to their rooms and not want to leave. Who wants to go out in a storm? But the longer they stay in the less chance of getting out when the summer comes.

Personally I don’t think they’ll go back until September, there’s no chance they’ll be back after half term or I wouldn’t be applying, and the chances after Easter what with teachers now giving grades I think are low. Hopefully after Easter the weather will be nicer, the pool will be up, and he can play in the garden all day long. The lighter mornings will give everyone the boost to want to get up.

I just want the world to open up. I no longer want the world to be broken.

ID Child’s hands covered in shaving foam on a blue tuff tray.

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