Today’s been a long day. 
I feel like I’ve been up all night.
Ok, not all night but most of it! 
Last night Z fell asleep at 7, yup, 7pm, suppose that’s normal for a 4.5 year old, for Z that’s early. We’ve been seeing 10-10.30 and somedays up to 11pm. I knew we were in for an early one, either that or he’d wake at 11 and not go back till 3/4 maybe that would have been better. I was sleeping by 10.30 by 2am we were awake. Not even 3 hours of solid sleep I managed. He went back about 6, I saw the sky turn light and heard the birds wake up. He was back up at 7.15. 
Today he’s been a nightmare. It’s been raining, he’s tried everyway possible to go into the garden, to get to play in the pool. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but today I was tired. It’s wet and actually cold. 
I tried taking him for a walk. He cried, he twisted, he dropped he flopped, he lay on the floor, he tried running away. Yes it’s ok when he was little, I could grab him, now it’s very difficult to grab him and I’m scared it’s going to get worse. Now, he just looks like a big toddler having a paddy, what happens when he gets a little bigger and he drops and flops? To try and keep him safe, I have to try and hold him. I’m guessing tomorrow he’ll have some bruises on his arms, just from me trying to stop him hitting the floor with force, from hurting himself, ironic that trying to keep him safe and not hurt himslef I’ve probably marked him. In the house he would have been left to carry on, outdoors I can’t chance it. There’s cars, bank drops, rivers and forrests. Imagine him running either way into any of those.
He wouldn’t even go play in the park, that’s not like him, after today I’m actually dreading the six weeks holidays. Last years wasn’t too bad, but he wasn’t all day at school either, he hadn’t made any bonds with any teachers, this year he has, when I said ‘car, we’ll go to car’. I had ‘bus, school’. We’re only on Tuesday. I’ll be grey by Friday! 
On the way home, five minutes away from the house he fell asleep, could be the tiredness but also the state he got himself into at the park would have worn him out.  He had five minutes of sleep, at 4, it’s now 9.15pm and he’s still bouncing. More laughing now, but it’s time for bed! 

I have to think positive it’s Wednesday tomorrow, only two more days left after that! We can do it!!